Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Become famous in deviantART

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HowTo:Become famous in deviantART

this article is my first one and i had improved it.the quotes are shown to demonstrate how bad DA's critics are.--FcukmanLOOS3R!!! 06:35, August 4, 2011 (UTC)

Please?--FcukmanLOOS3R!!! 04:49, August 11, 2011 (UTC)

Anybody Here?--FcukmanLOOS3R!!! 10:14, August 6, 2011 (UTC)

If people click on a link that looks fairly interesting, the first thing they are probably not going to want to see an explicit picture of a Pikachu. Maybe put it at the bottom of the page. --Bookthief 12:45, August 12, 2011 (UTC)

User:Mr-ex777, even if it is intended as the source of the joke, it may be something to consider about the joke itself if the fellow doesn't see it that way. Honestly, from the sound of it, I wouldn't be inclined to see it that way, either - annoying the reader usually isn't the best way to amuse them. Usually it just annoys them. But I'll leave this to whoever reviews it; they may be able to say something more... actually useful. Something to consider instead, perhaps. 1234 ~ 00:23, 13 August 2011

Ghah, screw it, I'll just review this myself. Right now. Yes. Even though I feel slightly ill and haven't slept. So... uh... sorry in advance for anything I might say? 1234 ~ 06:22, 11 September 2011

Concept:	4	Right, so clearly I didn't get around to it at the time like I thought I would, which is probably a good thing because now I'm more likely to be thinking straight, but also a not so good thing because I've also managed to completely kill my computer's font configuration in the meantime (apparently deleting the system fonts.conf will do that... odd.) and now I'm half distracted by trying to fix it. And all the while everything is rendering in some weird serif or sans-serif font - the web browser, is, of course, entirely serif, which isn't doing your article any favours appearance-wise, nor making it any easier to type in here.... That said, the article itself... hmm, it is an odd one. Becoming famous on another website... would it be trying to cater to those on said other website, already, though, or those who have no idea what this dA even is? If you could make it meaningful to both of those that would be best, but as the most likely audience would be folks already on it, it should be more meaningful to those; the rest will probably just be the usual random passerby that tend to happen across things in general but won't actually know what most of what you're talking about, so you'll also want to take that into consideration. Me, I'd fall into the category of those already on the site, myself, so I'll go out on a limb and say, huh? At present, it really isn't terribly meaningful to me. Anime-style was only a very small part of the art I encountered there, and I only recall seeing one pokemon; of artists widely considered 'good', there seemed to be a lot more painting dresses near photo-realistically or illustrating stories or throwing up grand displays of alien landscapes. Yes, there are the obligatory photographers specialising in 'artistic nudity', but many more stick to landscapes and cats and the like. The place really is a mix of all genres and subjects, and while I'll grant picking out some of the more mockable things that show up and mocking them for it might be a reasonable approach, focussing only on that is perhaps more likely to lose a knowledgeable reader than amuse anyone. Just saying things that ain't the case really doesn't work in general, for that matter, and making things as shocking as possible likewise doesn't help matters. Emphasising the nuttiness of what is there is good, but also don't go overboard, like with the 'fantards' - it's just not very believable, though you could try adding some sort of silly twist like I recall one webcomic did by making an entire race of literal catgirls. They wound up getting blown up, I believe. Anyway, why would folks want to be famous there, though? What is the place, even, for those who are unfamiliar, and what is so great about it, and so important about being famous? You'll want to establish this before going any further, establish interest in what the guide is guiding and thus the guide itself. Then actually guide - don't just say to do what won't work, but be more subtle, perhaps. Say what folks will want to get or be or have and why, and then show them how to get it. As a whole it should seem to make sense, regardless of how nonsensical it might actually be. You should seem to be credible, and to know the place. Make references to things folks familiar with it'll get, and perhaps compare them with other things other folks will understand, that kind of thing, but don't be random. A lot of it seems random at present, and a lot of it also just uses words that I have no idea what they mean, and a lot of it just makes me not want to read it at all. You want folks to want to read it.
Humour:	3	So for the actual bits, then... this may or may not all wind up humour-related; I'll just talk as I go. Introduction So... speaking of deviantART? That's pretty out of the blue. The article just started; it hasn't actually started speaking of deviantART yet. So do that - actually introduce what's going on, and why it's important, and all that, and make sillies and jokes and put some ironies that kind of thing. Instead you just say some stuff and most folks won't have any idea what it actually is. Other stuff, though, you could definitely work with - 5-year research, eh? What sort of research? Who are you? How was it conducted? Details, mon, details... perhaps there's some sort of conspiracy, or something. Those can be good. Censoring stuff mostly just looks bad, though. Saying that it makes one a loser doesn't really help any, either, especially when censored. Folks expect jokes there; that's just sort of a given, considering we're already on Uncyclopedia. But it also just plain looks bad, so I'd really advise against using this at all unless it's something that really would be censored, say, classified documents. First, Your Name! Self-reference, ie, referring to Uncyclopedia like this, probably isn't the best idea - most readers won't necessarily be members here, either. Also, the folks actually interested in this article will probably already be members, so your best bet might be to refer to things they'd recognise as common trends, which you seem to do, so that's good, though you seem to go about it in a rather roundabout fashion - get to the point more quickly, and don't say things like 'but however'. Also, if you're going to talk about general sign-up and configuration, account name, avatar, identifiers, profile, etc (and you probably should talk about those other things; some people take their long list of 'favourite {{noun}}:' very seriously, after all), perhaps calling this section 'sign up' and talking more specifically about that and the steps might make more sense. As for the avatar stuff, what about the trend of eyeballs? Everyone had eyeballs. It was bloody creepy. Or did that finally phase out? And who doesn't like it? 'They' is pretty vague. The artist Real art is not an option? Why not? Also, I don't think you did previously say that, so you might want to fix that. Anime Not really sure why you repeat 'anime' four times at the beginning of this... but this section, it just... doesn't do anything. It's a bunch of stuff that's sort of there, but that's all. It's just there. Why is any of it there? Why those specific animes? What's so good about sex? Does that appeal to folks, then? Explain things - explanation provides so many more opportunities to make jokes than just listing things, especially things that most folks won't even know what they are. Not that I'm sure I even want to know what most of this is... Furries Okay, folks like furries. Even pokemon. That's lovely, but again, this doesn't really do anything. It's more like a Why?: Avoid deviantART at all costs article, here, something which the images are more than emphasising, to the point where it becomes a Why?:Avoid this article at all costs as well. Seriously, please, lose the two pokemon... things on the left. They're just gross and don't make anything any more amusing. The photographer So why would someone be choosing each of these? And what makes the nudes 'artful'? Is there any distinction? Also, again, this just gets into the eww, which really isn't funny. The poet/fanfic writer This seems to be more a question of how to write badly, than anything else - which is fine if there's a reason they should be writing badly. Is this indeed popular? Why is it popular? What's the right way to do it? The critic What is so bad about constructive criticism? Why would it be bad? And what are 'demonic troll comments'? And as for the legions of fanturds coming to fuck you, what... does that even mean? Confusion bad. I confused. Make it make sense. Something. Wrong Why are these unacceptable? Just saying the right is wrong and visa versa is not inherently funny. Are these actual comments? Perhaps you could do better with tailoring your own, or visa versa. Or something. I don't know. Right Again, not inherently funny. Do something more with it. Maybe... I don't know, describe the reactions proper and improper comments will receive, or something... Conclusion What is this giant image for? Is this part of your conclusion? Or the previous thing? And what is it for? It's not helping, mon, just taking up space and looking bad. A reader isn't even sure what it's supposed to be looking at. As for the conclusion text, I'm afraid I yet again have no idea what you're talking about - what has this to do with the reader's supposed attempts to become famous? Did those corrupt the place? Or was it already corrupted? But if that's the case, why bring it up here? Just dashing the 'dream' is a bit of a let-down, though, since the entire howto is how to do it, so shouldn't it end with some sort of assumption that the reader followed through? Maybe then they find out why it was a horrible thing to do, but by then it's too late. See also Sensible links, considering. External Examples I'm not sure this is such a good idea. Referring to specific users is a little more personal than we generally care to get. It's not nice to them, and stuff.
Prose and formatting:	2	Okay, this you'll really want to work on - sentence structure, mainly, and saying what slang terms mean and whatnot, so folks actually understand what you mean. If you need help with proofreading, there is a Proofreading Service you can try to use. There's also the bit about the {{c}} just plain looking bad, but I already went into that. Probably the best approach would be to just not do it. The sentences should lead up to the other sentences without needing to censor stuff. If you really want things out of immediate sight, perhaps you could use footnotes for that. Your images are also a little bunched up - none at the start, a bunch in the middle, and then that really big one at the end - if you do keep that one (which I'd advise against), you should probably centre it - that way it won't squish up the conclusion by it and it'll be a clear part of the preceding section.
Images:	4	So, yes. That image. The big screenshot at the bottom - it's just too big. And vague. A whole lot there, very little that's actually... there. Just copy the text if that's what you're after. The 'sexy' pokemon on the left, like I said, please get rid of those. They're just not funny. The two images on the right, however, are actually pretty good. The one of the two guys is great, especially their expressions - so silly. The one below it is just so small, better if we could see what it actually was... but if you use more images like those, depicting what you're talking about but without getting into such... detail, it would probably help. Also work on the captions - actually say what are the images, as well as what is important or notable about these specific examples... that kind of thing.
Miscellaneous:	3	The scores apply to the sections even if the comments don't necessarily. But you'll want to heed the comments more anyway for this article to survive, man.
Final Score:	16	Right, dreadfully sorry about this big huge thing. Your article's in a rather ugly state, but with work you should be able to improve it. I... really hope this helps. >.<
Reviewer:	1234 ~ 08:00, 12 September 2011

4	Concept The idea, the angle, the grand funny of the article...
	Right, so clearly I didn't get around to it at the time like I thought I would, which is probably a good thing because now I'm more likely to be thinking straight, but also a not so good thing because I've also managed to completely kill my computer's font configuration in the meantime (apparently deleting the system fonts.conf will do that... odd.) and now I'm half distracted by trying to fix it. And all the while everything is rendering in some weird serif or sans-serif font - the web browser, is, of course, entirely serif, which isn't doing your article any favours appearance-wise, nor making it any easier to type in here.... That said, the article itself... hmm, it is an odd one. Becoming famous on another website... would it be trying to cater to those on said other website, already, though, or those who have no idea what this dA even is? If you could make it meaningful to both of those that would be best, but as the most likely audience would be folks already on it, it should be more meaningful to those; the rest will probably just be the usual random passerby that tend to happen across things in general but won't actually know what most of what you're talking about, so you'll also want to take that into consideration. Me, I'd fall into the category of those already on the site, myself, so I'll go out on a limb and say, huh? At present, it really isn't terribly meaningful to me. Anime-style was only a very small part of the art I encountered there, and I only recall seeing one pokemon; of artists widely considered 'good', there seemed to be a lot more painting dresses near photo-realistically or illustrating stories or throwing up grand displays of alien landscapes. Yes, there are the obligatory photographers specialising in 'artistic nudity', but many more stick to landscapes and cats and the like. The place really is a mix of all genres and subjects, and while I'll grant picking out some of the more mockable things that show up and mocking them for it might be a reasonable approach, focussing only on that is perhaps more likely to lose a knowledgeable reader than amuse anyone. Just saying things that ain't the case really doesn't work in general, for that matter, and making things as shocking as possible likewise doesn't help matters. Emphasising the nuttiness of what is there is good, but also don't go overboard, like with the 'fantards' - it's just not very believable, though you could try adding some sort of silly twist like I recall one webcomic did by making an entire race of literal catgirls. They wound up getting blown up, I believe. Anyway, why would folks want to be famous there, though? What is the place, even, for those who are unfamiliar, and what is so great about it, and so important about being famous? You'll want to establish this before going any further, establish interest in what the guide is guiding and thus the guide itself. Then actually guide - don't just say to do what won't work, but be more subtle, perhaps. Say what folks will want to get or be or have and why, and then show them how to get it. As a whole it should seem to make sense, regardless of how nonsensical it might actually be. You should seem to be credible, and to know the place. Make references to things folks familiar with it'll get, and perhaps compare them with other things other folks will understand, that kind of thing, but don't be random. A lot of it seems random at present, and a lot of it also just uses words that I have no idea what they mean, and a lot of it just makes me not want to read it at all. You want folks to want to read it.
3	Humour The implementation, how funny the article comes out...
	So for the actual bits, then... this may or may not all wind up humour-related; I'll just talk as I go. Introduction So... speaking of deviantART? That's pretty out of the blue. The article just started; it hasn't actually started speaking of deviantART yet. So do that - actually introduce what's going on, and why it's important, and all that, and make sillies and jokes and put some ironies that kind of thing. Instead you just say some stuff and most folks won't have any idea what it actually is. Other stuff, though, you could definitely work with - 5-year research, eh? What sort of research? Who are you? How was it conducted? Details, mon, details... perhaps there's some sort of conspiracy, or something. Those can be good. Censoring stuff mostly just looks bad, though. Saying that it makes one a loser doesn't really help any, either, especially when censored. Folks expect jokes there; that's just sort of a given, considering we're already on Uncyclopedia. But it also just plain looks bad, so I'd really advise against using this at all unless it's something that really would be censored, say, classified documents. First, Your Name! Self-reference, ie, referring to Uncyclopedia like this, probably isn't the best idea - most readers won't necessarily be members here, either. Also, the folks actually interested in this article will probably already be members, so your best bet might be to refer to things they'd recognise as common trends, which you seem to do, so that's good, though you seem to go about it in a rather roundabout fashion - get to the point more quickly, and don't say things like 'but however'. Also, if you're going to talk about general sign-up and configuration, account name, avatar, identifiers, profile, etc (and you probably should talk about those other things; some people take their long list of 'favourite {{noun}}:' very seriously, after all), perhaps calling this section 'sign up' and talking more specifically about that and the steps might make more sense. As for the avatar stuff, what about the trend of eyeballs? Everyone had eyeballs. It was bloody creepy. Or did that finally phase out? And who doesn't like it? 'They' is pretty vague. The artist Real art is not an option? Why not? Also, I don't think you did previously say that, so you might want to fix that. Anime Not really sure why you repeat 'anime' four times at the beginning of this... but this section, it just... doesn't do anything. It's a bunch of stuff that's sort of there, but that's all. It's just there. Why is any of it there? Why those specific animes? What's so good about sex? Does that appeal to folks, then? Explain things - explanation provides so many more opportunities to make jokes than just listing things, especially things that most folks won't even know what they are. Not that I'm sure I even want to know what most of this is... Furries Okay, folks like furries. Even pokemon. That's lovely, but again, this doesn't really do anything. It's more like a Why?: Avoid deviantART at all costs article, here, something which the images are more than emphasising, to the point where it becomes a Why?:Avoid this article at all costs as well. Seriously, please, lose the two pokemon... things on the left. They're just gross and don't make anything any more amusing. The photographer So why would someone be choosing each of these? And what makes the nudes 'artful'? Is there any distinction? Also, again, this just gets into the eww, which really isn't funny. The poet/fanfic writer This seems to be more a question of how to write badly, than anything else - which is fine if there's a reason they should be writing badly. Is this indeed popular? Why is it popular? What's the right way to do it? The critic What is so bad about constructive criticism? Why would it be bad? And what are 'demonic troll comments'? And as for the legions of fanturds coming to fuck you, what... does that even mean? Confusion bad. I confused. Make it make sense. Something. Wrong Why are these unacceptable? Just saying the right is wrong and visa versa is not inherently funny. Are these actual comments? Perhaps you could do better with tailoring your own, or visa versa. Or something. I don't know. Right Again, not inherently funny. Do something more with it. Maybe... I don't know, describe the reactions proper and improper comments will receive, or something... Conclusion What is this giant image for? Is this part of your conclusion? Or the previous thing? And what is it for? It's not helping, mon, just taking up space and looking bad. A reader isn't even sure what it's supposed to be looking at. As for the conclusion text, I'm afraid I yet again have no idea what you're talking about - what has this to do with the reader's supposed attempts to become famous? Did those corrupt the place? Or was it already corrupted? But if that's the case, why bring it up here? Just dashing the 'dream' is a bit of a let-down, though, since the entire howto is how to do it, so shouldn't it end with some sort of assumption that the reader followed through? Maybe then they find out why it was a horrible thing to do, but by then it's too late. See also Sensible links, considering. External Examples I'm not sure this is such a good idea. Referring to specific users is a little more personal than we generally care to get. It's not nice to them, and stuff.
2	Prose and formatting Appearance, flow, overall presentation...
	Okay, this you'll really want to work on - sentence structure, mainly, and saying what slang terms mean and whatnot, so folks actually understand what you mean. If you need help with proofreading, there is a Proofreading Service you can try to use. There's also the bit about the {{c}} just plain looking bad, but I already went into that. Probably the best approach would be to just not do it. The sentences should lead up to the other sentences without needing to censor stuff. If you really want things out of immediate sight, perhaps you could use footnotes for that. Your images are also a little bunched up - none at the start, a bunch in the middle, and then that really big one at the end - if you do keep that one (which I'd advise against), you should probably centre it - that way it won't squish up the conclusion by it and it'll be a clear part of the preceding section.
4	Images The graphics themselves, as well as their humour and relevance...
	So, yes. That image. The big screenshot at the bottom - it's just too big. And vague. A whole lot there, very little that's actually... there. Just copy the text if that's what you're after. The 'sexy' pokemon on the left, like I said, please get rid of those. They're just not funny. The two images on the right, however, are actually pretty good. The one of the two guys is great, especially their expressions - so silly. The one below it is just so small, better if we could see what it actually was... but if you use more images like those, depicting what you're talking about but without getting into such... detail, it would probably help. Also work on the captions - actually say what are the images, as well as what is important or notable about these specific examples... that kind of thing.
3	Miscellaneous Anything else... or not...
	The scores apply to the sections even if the comments don't necessarily. But you'll want to heed the comments more anyway for this article to survive, man.
16	Final score 1234 ~ 08:00, 12 September 2011
	Right, dreadfully sorry about this big huge thing. Your article's in a rather ugly state, but with work you should be able to improve it. I... really hope this helps. >.<