I rewrote most of this article following a helpful review from User:Orian57. BlackHarrier32 19:13, 13 September 2008 (UTC)
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This article is under review by <font-weight:bold>Gerry Cheevers. Sayeth Gerry: shotgun!! |
| Humour: | 5.5 | average of humor scores.
firstly, quotes are bad. if you must keep one, keep the anonymous one. but having more than one will elicit a sigh from your readers. as for the content of your intro, i wasn't really pulled in. you need to establish where you're going in the article and grab the reader's attention. from this intro it seems that gardneres might become trees, or become wizards. clarify where you're going.
the openeing part had its moments, but you lose steam with chuck norris references and acronyms (i hate hate acronyms). the pun from the professor was good, but it would have a better impact if he didn't point it out, and instead continued using lame gardening puns. however, the origin of the word 'gardner' and the land of stony malicious soil were both gold. the fist gardening tools part was also hit-or-miss, but i liked the overall approach and execution. driving the ho-hoe homonym into the ground worked well. i liked the trident line, it was unexpected, and i guess the sideshow bob reference can stand. the shovel part was good, but the bruce campbell line went over my head, i'm sure you're referring to a bad scifi original series/film or somesuch but you might want to make it more mainstream, like saying something about the usefulness of shovels when one finds oneself in a george c. romero film. i like the trowel bit, but the final few sentences are completely out of palce and you should take them out.
this section is good in its idea and concept, but lacking in execution. the list in the middle of it takes away from the formatting. when you say 'the fork is, in fact, a two-handed oversized dinner fork', you essentially say 'a fork is a fork.' clarify that by perhaps suggesting it is a small rake. this section is also short, i think a few more sentences can be added.
this section is filled with repeated n00b/pwning references. i think you could expand on the lawnmower part to make it its own mini-section and perhaps throw another one or two modern devices in there with their own mini-sections, but the list can go. the contact between gamers and gardners was good, but it was the only part of the last paragraph i found worthy.
this section is weak, you should definitely remove it. |
| Concept: | 8 | 5/5 points for a well-known subject worthy of parody. we should certainly have an article on gardening.
3/5 points for execution. i like a lot of your ideas, like the hoes and rakes parts, but some of your execution falls a little flat, like in the history section whe you say 'But enough from this freak.' try to keep a more encyclopedic tone and keep the overall feel close to the lines i pointed out as your best. |
| Prose and formatting: | 6 | formatting was below average, i'll give it a fix-up. prose and such didn't bother me when reading, but you get a proofread anyway. |
| Images: | 6 | the first image is weird, and you abandon the idea of people becoming trees after the intro, so either address that agin or find a new image. the second one is fine. the third one works well. the shovel guy looks a little weird becasue of the shape, try filling in the background. the werewolf one could use a more donw-to-earth caption. |
| Miscellaneous: | 6.4 | averaged |
| Final Score: | 31.9 | my preview button tells me that your score is 31.9. i would say this is an average article with plenty of room for improvement. trim some of the randomer stuff that doesn't fit and expand on the stuff that works well, keeping your formal encyclopedic tone. any further questions can be directed to my talk page. good luck! |
| Reviewer: | SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 21:31, 15 October 2008 (UTC) | |