Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Game:Zerg Rush

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Game:Zerg Rush

JordonOng 13:26, March 4, 2011 (UTC)

I'll give this a gander, then. 24 hours or you may clobber me with a saucepan. 1234 ~ 18:34, 10 March 2011

Humour:	3	There's not a whole lot here that's terribly funny - part of that is just what it is. What is it? The player is training zerglings and whatnot. Makes a zergling. Has whatever units. Rushes. Dies. Etc. Conceptualness I'll get to later, but but there's also so little to game itself, though fortunately that's probably in large part due to the in-progressness. You will need to say a lot more to make funnies - every part should be there for a reason, other than just tallying, unless you intend to mock the tallying itself... and perhaps even then, you could work in more. Make it funny, each bit either a joke or some piece of a joke, or setting the scene for one, building up, so to speak. But also say more simply to set the scene. Draw the player in. Describe some of what's going on, don't make excuses, but actually say what and why and where and make it real. Tell a story. A story about some sort of background (make it real and the ridiculousness should be more effective) rushing which almost invariably fails (or perhaps invariably, if you want to take it in that direction - that could be funny in of itself, if it gets crazy enough the more one plays, but it'd need build-up, not just going back to the start and starting over.), but why is it doing that? What's going on? Etc. Background is important - I'd try to cite Red vs Blue as an example, but I don't remember what that is. Not that you don't have some funnies already - mixing up the banners is somewhat amusing. Not the cleverest joke ever, but it's something, and you could play it out even more, with... I dunno, confetti or something. Probably the or something, as I'm not being very inspired right now. But if you're going to make it ridiculous, might as well go all out, right? Just don't be too random, or do it consistently and purposefully if you do. The god appearing and throwing into hell, for instance, you'll want to be careful with that. If you're going to have god appearing there, mix in other religious or supernatural/crazy stuff elsewhere as well; and perhaps use things that have been used in other games - make fun of how ridiculous they really are, that kind of thing. Looks like you do have the beginnings of a theme of religion throughout the entire thing, though; if you want and play with that, not a bad idea. So really work with it throughout. Needn't be stand-alone jokes, if that makes any sense.
Concept:	4	So what is your main idea here? It's a Zerg Rush, yes, but what about it? What is your angle, how are you approaching it to make it truly funny? What about the Zerg Rush are you mocking, and why is it specifically in game form? As it is, it's just rushing - which, okay, you're making some point about that, right? But what is it? I'm probably not expressing this very well, but perhaps... look at other things here, games and otherwise, what do they do, usually? The good ones have a specific angle from which they approach their things, anything from having crazy narrators (that's more for articles, obviously) to mimicking and exaggerating the qualities of the things they're about, to just attacking the entire thing from some specific direction. Denise Milani has huge breasts, so that wound up an entire article. Zork has grues, so they played that out in excess, among other things. That kind of thing. Sort out what you actually want to do with this and the rest should become a little clearer.
Miscellaneous:	5	Now, I'm not entirely sure how PotR put together this game stuff (he designed the templates)... okay, actually, I've no bloody idea, but it looks like it's passing variables to itself through some header and numerical-based DPL thing, which means... absolutely nothing to me, and I'll gander doesn't mean much to you, either. What I do know is that if you want to count turns, there should be a way to add another variable that is passed and incremented each time. I suspect you already saw this, but there was also a forum in which the guy tried to explain it, amidst some arguing and confusing. Bloody gibberish to me, but if you haven't seen it yet, it might give you some ideas of what to do. It concerns more compressing existing games, but the same concepts apply to creating new ones. Anyhow, your setup - gain control, create zerglings, upgrade zerglings, etc, rush... it's very simple. That's not a bad thing, though - complexical stuff just gets out of hand way too quickly - but it's also not a whole lot to hold one's interest. Perhaps have stuff happen at every stage? It needn't even be different depending on how one gets to the stage - a constantly changing background according to what frame it's on, maybe. Things like that. Have most of the options lead to the same things; looks like you're doing that already, so that's good. Something that bothers me, though, is the constant starting over - one loses and dies so easily... and then just starts over. It makes the whole experience quite choppy, which doesn't necessarily help a player's desire to play it, let alone the presentation of the humour and whatnot. Hard to build up a joke if one just winds up dead. Not really sure what you can do about it, but it's something to consider. Dying messes things up.
Prose and formatting:	4	The presentation of this is rather droll, really. It's a text adventure... in a box. A couple of pages, it doesn't even fit in the box entirely, but that may be browser-cross compatibility issues. If you can, it's always a good idea to check and make sure these things work cross-browser and system. Anything with much styling, really. But the box, what could you do about the box? Make it pretty with graphics and whatnot, perhaps? Like what the guy did with Alone in the Dark, except perhaps coded better (I mean, seriously, absolute positioning, for that? I'd change it myself, but I can't edit it because the absolute positioned frame is in the way. I also can't proofread the game for the same reason, and let me tell you, said game kind of needs it, but... eh. I'm pointing to this for the look it achieved.) Hells, you could even make a whole elaborate mock-up of the UI. Be a little harder, but if you make it look like Starcraft itself, that could be pretty cool. I mean, why not, eh? There are also some wordage things... main one is 'No one knows where your army comes from, but no one knows too.' I'm not even entirely sure what it means - what is the too? Make things clear, mon.
Images:	0	As you probably noticed, you don't have any images. Problem with text things, it's hard to say just what would be good. What are you intending for your title one? An image from StarCraft? Some Zerglings massing over something? Some other rush, since the term has become so general? Except this is zerg-specific, so that probably wouldn't work so well. Something horribly dramatic to try to pull people in, perhaps... that could be a way to do it, after all, get people interested. Make it look pretty and interesting. People are drawn to pretty, after all. And what of the 'pages'? What could you do for those? The usual illustrate what happens on each, would work, of course, graphic for the mauling, perhaps something to make fun of some particular trait of the zergs, that kind of thing. Could also have pictures of your zergs and banes and whatnot as a tally - an image per head, what the player has at each step. Fit especially well if you build an interface after a videogame of this sort, and if you did that, just fit the images to it. What would it show in a game?
Final Score:	16	This probably seems bad, and it kind of is, but you're also at an early stage and games are particularly hard to pull off in general. If you work with this, establish what the main joke of it is and just why you are doing this and get all the pieces to fit together, it could well become something. Sort out your main idea and your mechanics and interface before working on the jokes and stages themselves, though. If you have a framework and guide, it should be a fair bit easier to flesh it all out from there, and also less likely to wind up abandoned and deleted like so many others. Folks branch out in all directions and lost track of their games and they sputter out and die. Horribly. But I don't think you'd be apt to do this, considering the layouts of what you have. Anyhow, best of luck to you, hope this helps, and, er... ask PotR if you have any questions. I mean, feel free to ask me. Of course that's what I meant. Although PotR is better for game-specific stuffs. He's just... busy, the bastard. So... yeah. 1234 ~ 20:22, 11 March 2011
Reviewer:	1234 ~ 20:22, 11 March 2011

3	Humour The implementation, how funny the game comes out...
	There's not a whole lot here that's terribly funny - part of that is just what it is. What is it? The player is training zerglings and whatnot. Makes a zergling. Has whatever units. Rushes. Dies. Etc. Conceptualness I'll get to later, but but there's also so little to game itself, though fortunately that's probably in large part due to the in-progressness. You will need to say a lot more to make funnies - every part should be there for a reason, other than just tallying, unless you intend to mock the tallying itself... and perhaps even then, you could work in more. Make it funny, each bit either a joke or some piece of a joke, or setting the scene for one, building up, so to speak. But also say more simply to set the scene. Draw the player in. Describe some of what's going on, don't make excuses, but actually say what and why and where and make it real. Tell a story. A story about some sort of background (make it real and the ridiculousness should be more effective) rushing which almost invariably fails (or perhaps invariably, if you want to take it in that direction - that could be funny in of itself, if it gets crazy enough the more one plays, but it'd need build-up, not just going back to the start and starting over.), but why is it doing that? What's going on? Etc. Background is important - I'd try to cite Red vs Blue as an example, but I don't remember what that is. Not that you don't have some funnies already - mixing up the banners is somewhat amusing. Not the cleverest joke ever, but it's something, and you could play it out even more, with... I dunno, confetti or something. Probably the or something, as I'm not being very inspired right now. But if you're going to make it ridiculous, might as well go all out, right? Just don't be too random, or do it consistently and purposefully if you do. The god appearing and throwing into hell, for instance, you'll want to be careful with that. If you're going to have god appearing there, mix in other religious or supernatural/crazy stuff elsewhere as well; and perhaps use things that have been used in other games - make fun of how ridiculous they really are, that kind of thing. Looks like you do have the beginnings of a theme of religion throughout the entire thing, though; if you want and play with that, not a bad idea. So really work with it throughout. Needn't be stand-alone jokes, if that makes any sense.
4	Concept The idea, the angle, the grand funny of the game...
	So what is your main idea here? It's a Zerg Rush, yes, but what about it? What is your angle, how are you approaching it to make it truly funny? What about the Zerg Rush are you mocking, and why is it specifically in game form? As it is, it's just rushing - which, okay, you're making some point about that, right? But what is it? I'm probably not expressing this very well, but perhaps... look at other things here, games and otherwise, what do they do, usually? The good ones have a specific angle from which they approach their things, anything from having crazy narrators (that's more for articles, obviously) to mimicking and exaggerating the qualities of the things they're about, to just attacking the entire thing from some specific direction. Denise Milani has huge breasts, so that wound up an entire article. Zork has grues, so they played that out in excess, among other things. That kind of thing. Sort out what you actually want to do with this and the rest should become a little clearer.
5	Game mechanics How the game runs, plays, operates...
	Now, I'm not entirely sure how PotR put together this game stuff (he designed the templates)... okay, actually, I've no bloody idea, but it looks like it's passing variables to itself through some header and numerical-based DPL thing, which means... absolutely nothing to me, and I'll gander doesn't mean much to you, either. What I do know is that if you want to count turns, there should be a way to add another variable that is passed and incremented each time. I suspect you already saw this, but there was also a forum in which the guy tried to explain it, amidst some arguing and confusing. Bloody gibberish to me, but if you haven't seen it yet, it might give you some ideas of what to do. It concerns more compressing existing games, but the same concepts apply to creating new ones. Anyhow, your setup - gain control, create zerglings, upgrade zerglings, etc, rush... it's very simple. That's not a bad thing, though - complexical stuff just gets out of hand way too quickly - but it's also not a whole lot to hold one's interest. Perhaps have stuff happen at every stage? It needn't even be different depending on how one gets to the stage - a constantly changing background according to what frame it's on, maybe. Things like that. Have most of the options lead to the same things; looks like you're doing that already, so that's good. Something that bothers me, though, is the constant starting over - one loses and dies so easily... and then just starts over. It makes the whole experience quite choppy, which doesn't necessarily help a player's desire to play it, let alone the presentation of the humour and whatnot. Hard to build up a joke if one just winds up dead. Not really sure what you can do about it, but it's something to consider. Dying messes things up.
4	Prose and formatting Appearance, flow, overall presentation...
	The presentation of this is rather droll, really. It's a text adventure... in a box. A couple of pages, it doesn't even fit in the box entirely, but that may be browser-cross compatibility issues. If you can, it's always a good idea to check and make sure these things work cross-browser and system. Anything with much styling, really. But the box, what could you do about the box? Make it pretty with graphics and whatnot, perhaps? Like what the guy did with Alone in the Dark, except perhaps coded better (I mean, seriously, absolute positioning, for that? I'd change it myself, but I can't edit it because the absolute positioned frame is in the way. I also can't proofread the game for the same reason, and let me tell you, said game kind of needs it, but... eh. I'm pointing to this for the look it achieved.) Hells, you could even make a whole elaborate mock-up of the UI. Be a little harder, but if you make it look like Starcraft itself, that could be pretty cool. I mean, why not, eh? There are also some wordage things... main one is 'No one knows where your army comes from, but no one knows too.' I'm not even entirely sure what it means - what is the too? Make things clear, mon.
0	Images The graphics themselves, as well as their humour and relevance...
	As you probably noticed, you don't have any images. Problem with text things, it's hard to say just what would be good. What are you intending for your title one? An image from StarCraft? Some Zerglings massing over something? Some other rush, since the term has become so general? Except this is zerg-specific, so that probably wouldn't work so well. Something horribly dramatic to try to pull people in, perhaps... that could be a way to do it, after all, get people interested. Make it look pretty and interesting. People are drawn to pretty, after all. And what of the 'pages'? What could you do for those? The usual illustrate what happens on each, would work, of course, graphic for the mauling, perhaps something to make fun of some particular trait of the zergs, that kind of thing. Could also have pictures of your zergs and banes and whatnot as a tally - an image per head, what the player has at each step. Fit especially well if you build an interface after a videogame of this sort, and if you did that, just fit the images to it. What would it show in a game?
16	Final score 1234 ~ 20:22, 11 March 2011
	This probably seems bad, and it kind of is, but you're also at an early stage and games are particularly hard to pull off in general. If you work with this, establish what the main joke of it is and just why you are doing this and get all the pieces to fit together, it could well become something. Sort out your main idea and your mechanics and interface before working on the jokes and stages themselves, though. If you have a framework and guide, it should be a fair bit easier to flesh it all out from there, and also less likely to wind up abandoned and deleted like so many others. Folks branch out in all directions and lost track of their games and they sputter out and die. Horribly. But I don't think you'd be apt to do this, considering the layouts of what you have. Anyhow, best of luck to you, hope this helps, and, er... ask PotR if you have any questions. I mean, feel free to ask me. Of course that's what I meant. Although PotR is better for game-specific stuffs. He's just... busy, the bastard. So... yeah. 1234 ~ 20:22, 11 March 2011

Author's comment: Yea, I know that I have to add pics, that will come later. I've just added a few jokes in it. About the nobody knows thingy, it means that you control an anonymous army of zerglings/banelings. I don't bother to add the other units because they just don't fit in.--JordonOng 17:14, March 14, 2011 (UTC)