Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Ford Model T
Ford Model T[edit source]
Mangotastic 19:15, 12 July 2008 (UTC)
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This article is under review by <font-weight:bold>Gerry Cheevers. Sayeth Gerry: shotgun!! |
| Humour: | 5.7 | average of humor scores
intro: 4 your intro is far too short. you should beef it up by saying why the model t was invented (i'd like to see a mention of horse manure from horse-drawn-carriages being a problem as a cause), some background on henry ford, and a list of the ways it affected society. the quotes really weren't funny, if you insist on a quote, make it a single one and try to come up with something wittier.
you tend to be a little random and wandering. try to focus on one thing at a time: the fact that he plagiarised his car, then his possible involvement with german tanks, then other historical fords. extend these ideas by themselves into separate paragraphs. you also tend to focus way more on henry ford than the model t here, concentrate on the history of the car itself (unveiling, initial price, characteristics).
this section is slightly better, although too short. the thin lizzy bit was pretty good. again, expand each thing separately. have other guesses as to the original name, more details with the band, then maybe a quote from mr t.]
you've got some good ideas here. the idea of a ford propaganda machine is really intruiging. things like 'the fastest car of all time' tend to be not funny, since it's obviously not true; try something more like the slowest car of all time' or 'barely able to outpace a human walking at moderate speed'. again, the list of modern car accesories isn't funny, but by making it accurate (two doors, a roof, a shiny hood ornament) and then throwing something ridiculous in (heated reclining leather seats), you can get a better effect.
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| Concept: | 6 | 5/5 points for a relevant subject that is well-known. 1/5 points for execution. you kind of ramble on without any clear direction. try to take a more encyclopedic tone, and and if you take the propaganda machine approach, make it appear as though you're being censored. |
| Prose and formatting: | 3 | you have run-on sentences everywhere, your sections are blocks of text, and you have no links. see here for instructions on how to get your article proofread. once you add more content, break it up into logical paragraphs. add links, both direct (like this: Bears) and indirect (like this: pointless). links are the veins that carry uncyclopedia's forest-green zombie blood. |
| Images: | 0 | you have no images. your opening image should be a picture of the model T (maybe here), with some witty caption (like 'the amazing model T was capable of speeds up to 9 mph and needed replacing of its wooden wheels only every 23 miles'). other images might include an old-timey looking guy with driving goggles and a ford plant. just use google image search and upload 'em in. |
| Miscellaneous: | 3.7 | averaged |
| Final Score: | 18.4 | my preview button tells me that my/your score is 18.4, falling between 'probably VFD' and 'might be VFD/rewrite'. however, you got hurt by having no images and poor prose/formatting. a few minutes taken to add a few (maybe three?) pictures and to fix some sentences should let you escape the deletion guillotine. however, if no edits are made for a while, it will likely end up a tasty snack for a hungry admin. fear not! i am confident that you will be able to improve this article to a point where deleting it would be just silly. i recommend expanding on all of your ideas, and going with the tone of the propaganda machine, which is funnier everytime i think of it. if you need any further assistance, i can be found here. good luck. |
| Reviewer: | 17:01, 25 July 2008 (UTC) | |
