Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Emperor Palpatine (pre-Cajek)

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Emperor Palpatine By Cajek (slightly better)

Here's the scoop: this is before I scrapped the entire Pope/Palpatine thing and started a new project. Was I wrong to scrap it? Maybe compare the two versions and see what you think. --  Le Cejak • <-> 19:38, 26 October 2007 (UTC)

I guess I'll just review the newer one, but I'll allude to the older one when appropriate. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 05:06, Oct 29

Humour:	8	I actually did smile at the old one in a few places, but it's too random and disjointed to really work. I like your new one much better, it has a single train of coherent thought to carry the humor. The part I found funniest was that first section; it has it all, stating the obvious for no reason, silly colloquial language, and an unnecessary metaphor to boot.
Concept:	8	I like the concept of him being born to that poor family, maybe do a bit more with that section? Personally, I found it a little choppy where he moves to Compton all of a sudden, perhaps try to explain why, with something like: "Palpatine's father's failed business venture investing all of his time and resources into the world's first 2-in-1 flosser-toothbrush caused his family's already small amount of money to disappear. Apparently, people just weren't ready for that kind of dental technology. But this was just the first in a long string of financial failures, which eventually led to the family going broke and moving to Compton." ...Or something.
Prose and formatting:	6	As I stated above, it's a little choppy in a few places. Try to go through it and see the spots where the story doesn't flow as well as it could, and re-word stuff until it does. Also, I have to take some points off for listiness. Actually, the lists were pretty amusing, but I think at least that first one would fit together nicely in paragraph form.
Images:	7	Relevant pics, but I'd ditch the two Dawn/Hikari/Pokemon girl images. Dawn being hot just doesn't strike me as particularly amusing, and I think others would agree that the joke is overdone, if nothing else. I particularly like the alf image, though. That got a good chuckle out of me.
Miscellaneous:	10	N/A
Final Score:	39	Great rewrite! Much better than what was there, though perhaps not quite FA material. However, try to make the page flow better, so it feels a bit less choppy, and also try to rework those lists into paragraphs. Again, great work!
Reviewer:	- P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 05:06, Oct 29