Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Claire Redfield (second Review)

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Claire Redfield

Second review, just to look for someone elses opinion

Iwillkillyou333 05:10, 18 May 2009 (UTC)

Humour:	4	Hmm. Well, I think you've got some interesting ideas and jokes in there, but there's some glaring flaws with your article. Two things jumped out at me in particular: first, you're writing an article about a video game character, which is an extremely difficult thing to do (see the concept section). Second, your article is sort of a one trick pony; it could probably be summed up with "Claire Redfield kicks ass". If you're going to write an article like this, you need to expand your base of humor a bit- hearing about how much she owns is funny the first time, but quickly gets repetitive. Also, omit all references to Chuck Norris- that's a tired internet meme, and your article would be better off without it.
Concept:	3	Articles about fictional characters in certain video games/ movies are extremely difficult to pull off. Seeing as how i'm not much of a resident evil fan, I had to look up Claire Redfield on Wikipedia before I could read the article. The problem with your concept is that only a select group of people will get your article, as not everyone plays Resident Evil. In this kind of article, you need to alternate between facts and fiction- for example, briefly explain who she is, then insert your punchline. While you're writing your article, write so we know who she is before you tell the joke- I.E. Claire Redfield appeared in the video game Resident Evil 2, where she then deliever here punchline. You picked a difficult subject to write about, so you might have to spend a lot of time developing your concept, but your end result could be fabulous if you execute it correctly.
Prose and formatting:	3	There are several problems here. First, sticking a gaint YouTube video in the middle of your article makes it look ugly- i'd recommend getting rid of it. Second, you have a bunch of quotes at the bottom of your article- quotes go at the top, but I think you'd better get rid of them. Generally, Uncyclopedians are sick of quotes, and your article would be better off without them. Finally, your images are lined up incorrectly. I think you should reduce the size of your second image, as it overlaps into several sections. Your last image looks out of place in the last section, so i'd recommend reducing the size and moving it. Basically, your images are too big when compared to your image- IMO, your article relies to heavily on them. The best course of action here would be too replace your image with smaller, less noticable ones- right now, they look messy.
Images:	4.5	Your first image feels out of place with the article. You didn't go very in-depth into Claire's early childhood, and a photo of a real kid looks strange with pictures of video game characters- i'd recommend getting rid of it. Your second image doesn't give me enough info-why would I want to see Claire Redfield's back? You should replace that one with a picutre of Claire Redfield fighting zombies- maybe you could steal an in-game shot from a YouTube video- just make sure you make it smaller than your current one. Your third image is kind of a bad photoshop- you'd be better off getting rid of it, as it doesn't really go well with where it is right now.
Miscellaneous:	4	My overall grade of the article.
Final Score:	18.5	You've got some interesting ideas, but your article suffers from a poor execution. I'd recommend reworking this on the "medium" level of a rewrite- preserve your underlying concept, but seriously alter the style of your article. The most notable improvements you could make would be to get rid of the "Famous Quotes" section (as well as the two quotes at the top), get rid of that YouTube video, and replace your images with ones that don't stick out as much- that alone could bring your article up 10 or so points. Once you've got those flaws corrected, work on the style of your writing- write it so that people who have never heard of RE will get the joke. It's gonna be tough- you picked an extremely difficult subject to write about- but if you get it right, this could be VFH material. Bottom Line: Change your concept to something more recognizable, and correct the other issues mentioned. Good luck! =)
Reviewer:	Saberwolf116 17:22, 26 May 2009 (UTC)