Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Claire Redfield
Claire Redfield[edit source]
Shorter than brute, but hopefully better than Brute Iwillkillyou333 18:10, 2 March 2009 (UTC)
| Humour: | 7.824 | I like to break the Humor category into sections, like so:
Quotes: These are missing. While the "famous quotes" by Claire are included at the bottom, most articles tend to show quotes written by other people about Claire. May I suggest something along the lines of, "I pissed off Claire one time, and she killed me. Then I came back and pissed her off again. And even though I was already dead, she killed me." -Zombie on Claire Redfield. That's just a suggestion. Intro: I like the voting comment, but some of the rest is pretty straight-forward. Yet this is only the intro, so it'll still work fine. You may want to add some attention grabbers in there. History: The History isn't very funny. It lacks originality and needs some work. I would go into the things, explaining how they happened rather than just saying that they happened. For ex. Instead of Her brother teach her how to shoot and fight in combat. This was proven useful when one guy attempted to rape her. Boy was he stupid., Maybe Claire spent the first 20 or so years of her life studying under her brother, and these studies paid off in [insert date here] when [insert name here] attempted a malicious rape and RE2: This is pretty good. It needs a little bit of writing style added, but I'll go into that later. I do love the ending, with the Jell-O and the whoa, we don't need to go to any details, especially for the little ones. Very clever. This article has good content but needs some style. C-Veronica: Note=Good. I love this section; I consider it to be the best part of the article. Not much change needed except for some grammar errors. Career: This is pretty good, but I'd change the title from Career to Current Life. You should include the characters in the band rather than just saying other characters. Also, was it supposed to say Day of the Day, or was that a typo for Day of the Dead? This section needs a little bit of spring cleaning, but nothing drastic. Adding some writing style should fix it. PL: I like this, especially the list of previous boyfriends. Disappointed to not see Kratos on the list though. I would expand on the University stuff, and explain the video. The vid is kinda funny, but it seems a little "just thrown in there." Maybe add some context to say where/when this happened, etc. FQ: These are funny for the most part, but are improperly formatted. I would fix the formatting, delete the last quote to Leon, and move the quote about "Hey bitch" to the top, to look like:
(I do think it would be funnier with asshole in place of n00b. |
| Concept: | 9.21 | It's obviously a good concept. I love Resident Evil, and an article on Claire "as a person" was needed for here. I don't really have an major suggestions; the concept is good as it is. |
| Prose and formatting: | 3.43 | You do have quite a few grammar and formatting errors which need to be fixed. That can be done with spellcheck easily and quickly. The real deduction here was for the lack of writing style in the article. The content is all good, but the writing seems a bit amateur-ish. Look at the changes I made near the beginning, and try writing some of the stuff in a way similar to that. This will make it seem a little more like a "serious" article (well, at least serious by UNcyc's standards. |
| Images: | 6.782 | Kid: It's a good picture, but the caption is too short. Try saying something about Claire as a child. (behavior, etc.)
Nice Ass: I like the picture, but the "Nice Ass" comment makes it look unprofessional, and should probably go. A funny caption removes the need for that. I'll Kill You All: This one's fine how it is. I do suggest spacing the pictures out a bit, they seem a little cramped. |
| Miscellaneous: | 6 | It's good overall, and there's not really anything for me to add here. |
| Final Score: | 33.246 | I really enjoyed this article. It made me laugh quite a bit, just please take heed of the aforementioned advice, and I hope to see a edited product. |
| Reviewer: | --Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 04:00, 3 March 2009 (UTC) | |