Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/A Fine Frenzy
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A Fine Frenzy[edit source]
Whatcha think? 
pillow talk 19:58, January 6, 2011 (UTC)
| Humour: | 8 | Howdy Hype. For the most part, this article is pretty fucking awesome. It had me giggling pretty much all the way through. There are one or two flaws however, the most notable being the end of the article. After such an excellent satire of popular music, the "interesting facts" section is just stands out as being a bit weak. Its list-like nature and general irrelevance to the concept make it look a bit half-arsed, as if you basically needed a bit of padding and just copied some trivia from Wikipedia and then gave it a humorous spin. While the jokes in there have good ideas behind them, they didn't really make me laugh because there's no flow to them. You just list them one at a time; there's no connection, so nothing builds, not like the rest of the article which drags you along in a current of hilarity. They also stick out a fair bit because they're so totally unlike any of the other parts of the article. It's also not good that you're relying on external links here, especially in the section that should really be the climax of your article. What I would much prefer to see here is the expansion of these jokes into more of a biographical piece, much like the approach you take in the rest of the article. So you could still have her falling over and scraping her hands, and have the narrator treat it as somehow being newsworthy, but instead of just listing it at the end; work it into the story of her life. If you could do something similar with the other entrees on this list then it would definitely be beneficial.
A joke in here that actually does work is the "there are no more interesting facts about A Fine Frenzy", so it may be worth keeping at least one interesting fact so that this joke still works. In fact it may even be funnier with just one, because it's kind of more pathetic. Although I would probably get rid of the one about the interview, where she was "also in the room". I see what you're trying to do here, but I didn't think it was very funny, mainly because again it was too much of a contrast to the style of humour you employ in the rest of the article, which of course is an attack of the superficiality of fandom - except for the subtle suggestions that she might have had something to do with crack cocaine being introduced to the United States, and also the Rodney King riots, but that fits in because it comes as part of a section of prose containing many jokes. |
| Concept: | 9 | The concept is excellent. I've actually never heard of A Fine Frenzy but you do a really good job of establishing who she is. The only problem here is probably that she hasn't done a whole lot worth talking about - which of course isn't your fault, it does end up having an effect on the article however. The whole thing is a tad short, especially considering the weakness of the last section. If you could go any further with it without exhausting the joke then I would really like to see that. Perhaps some content on the future of A Fine Frenzy, or her personal life? The most obvious idea that springs to mind would be to talk more about the young lady's discontent at having her music - and indeed the other parts of her body - overlooked. A little more is all I ask, mainly as an antidote to the rushed, not-very-funny ending. I appreciate the fact that there probably isn't much else you can say however. |
| Prose and formatting: | 9 | In terms of prose/spelling/grammar, everything looks fine, so excellent work there. Just a quick note on formatting though; the Hairography section looks a little bit scruffy. This is probably because you haven't used thumbnails, although I think putting one of the album covers on the opposite side might help. Either that or just thumbnail them. Or a mixture of the two, whatever the case I'll leave it with you, I know you'll make the right choice. |
| Images: | 7 | The pictures are all lovely. Although not inherently funny in themselves, they're all nice to look at, and sometimes that's all that counts (especially when the captions are funny). The only caption that could probably do with a little work is the last one. I'd rather you made another joke about her hair if possible. The problem is the joke isn't very effective, probably because it relies too much on the story from the other site. Perhaps instead the narrator could simply sympathise with her for falling over? Or maybe it could be something to do with A Fine Frenzy wanting people to notice other parts of her body (her legs, specifically). |
| Miscellaneous: | 8 | My overall impression of the article. |
| Final Score: | 41 | So overall; a really hilarious article that just falls apart slightly at the end. Sort this out and I would definitely nominate it for VFH, weather permitting of course. If there's anything I've said here that you want me to explain better, or if you want my opinion on anything I might have missed, please let me know and I'll try to help. I hope the review is ok. |
| Reviewer: | --Black Flamingo 15:17, January 8, 2011 (UTC) | |