Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/September 28

The penis is the primary functioning organ of a male human being, with the brain coming in a close second and the heart in a disappointing third. Penises, or penii, come in many shapes and sizes, all of which are useless to a man unless they are one specific shape and size.

Genesis says that God removed Eve's penis and used it to create Adam. She never forgave Him, nor have her female descendants.

The Lithuanians claim that the penis is named after Lithuanian President Sukis Penis, a depressed emo who invented the penis in 1832 as a form of population control. Before that, people reproduced asexually and were starting to exceed the available food supply. This occurred during the Industrial Revolution, so the penis was soon mass-produced, and man grew so dependent on it that asexual reproduction all but ceased.

The British say the penis originated in the Pennines town of Penistone in South Yorkshire. (Full article...)