Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/April 7

Idiots! God! They're everywhere!

Just today there was this guy in lunch who was like, "Give me your sandwich!", and I was like, "No! Get your own sandwich!" Then, he squirted mayonnaise on my face! What an idiot! God!

Then, in second period, the teacher was like, "John, what's the answer to this equation?", so I was all like, "Man! You're the teacher! You're suppose to know it! And the answer's always 42, numbnuts! God! You're an idiot! How'd you even get this job!?" Then, I got detention! God! My teacher is an idiot!

After detention was over, there were these two guys who were arguing who was a better hero, Batman or Iron Man, so I was like, "You're both idiots! Batman doesn't have powers so he isn't even a hero! And Iron Man is a song by Ozzy Osbourne! Spider-Man is the only good hero! He shoots sticky stuff and has teenage angst! He's way more realistic than anyone else! God, what idiots!" They called me a Moron, but then I was, "I'm a Scientologist! Morons are insane and love Utah!" Those guys were fucking idiots, God!

I went clubbing after school cause I am so cool. I party all the time. Yep. If you don't believe me, you can ask Jimmy! He was there! I watched him fuck his girlfriend! The idiot didn't even notice that she was looking at me the entire time! He's an idiot! (Full article...)