Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/April 3
I want to play a game.
Several seconds ago you entered this article, in which you saw an opportunity to get a share of torture porn under the guise of reading a humour website; now you will get a chance to see yourself.
Each of the paragraphs before you contain a sequence of agonizingly bad jokes. Reading through each one will feel like a lifetime, but this is nothing compared to the lifetime that you have spent sitting on your ass browsing stupid websites like this one. All the time you were doing that, you could have gone outside and contributed something useful and meaningful to the world, yet you did not. But never fear, because reading through the following paragraphs will bring you ever closer to freedom, freedom from this website, freedom from rubbish jokes, freedom from the lies you have told yourself all these years. However, if you fail to read to the bottom in time, a patch of CSS script embedded in this page will activate and automatically redirect you to a 16 hour video of the Wizards Of Waverly Place from the Disney channel, and you will be subjected to the television viewing so tedious that your body will retch up your entire digestive system onto the computer in front of you.
Think of it like a reverse birthday cake.
Make it through this page, find it in yourself to do the right thing, and you will discover if you are seen by other people as you see yourself.
Laugh or cry, <insert name here>. Make your choice. (Full article...)