Uncyclopedia:Unpocalypse
 | This is an essay. It is not an ignorable policy on Uncyclopedia, so you should ignore it even more and disregard the mad ramblings of its writer. Or you could submit it as an Uncycloversity assignment in lieu of doing any actual work. |
n the beginning there was nothing, and from that nothing arose Uncyclopedia, a great and magnificent tome containing all that was good. And once opened, Uncyclopedia spawned all that was funny and great. From the pages of Uncyclopedia sprang forth the knowledge of how to huff a cat, the meaning of the acronym "NRA", and enlightenment on how to beat a joke to death. From Uncyclopedia sprung Oscar Wilde quotes, beautiful pictures, and an annoying copycat named Wikipedia. However, right from the beginning, there was foretold an end. On the last page of Uncyclopedia, there is a small note. The note reads as follows:
Dear Reader,
Uncyclopedia will not last forever. Eventually there will come the Unpocalypse: A fiery rain of Hebrews will fall
from the sky, followed by forty days and nights of fog. Once the fog is lifted, Uncyclopedia will be no more.
However, dearest Reader, take solace in the fact that you will have due warning. There will be 5 signs that the
Unpocalypse is coming. The signs are as follows:
1. Thy first sign of trouble will be the featuring of Euroipods. After this unholy event, many months of battle will
follow, and this battle will be called "The Rumble in Euroipods". There will be many deaths and many more bannings. However the war will
end, and the citizens of Uncyclopedia will celebrate, naming the day of their victory "Victory in Euroipods Day"
2. Thy second sign of the Unpocalypse will be the conversion of Chronarion to the Dark Side.
Currently Chronarion is the Almighty King and General of the Uncyclopedia Army. However, shortly after a
State of the Wiki Address, he will defect to Wikipedia, crippling Uncyclopedia horribly.
However, Chronarion's defection to Wikipedia will cause a great rejoicing in Wikipedia,
and they will instantly pronounce him dictator of Wikipedia.
3. Thy third sign that a fiery rain of Hebrews doth this way come, will be the promotion of the anti-Chrons (Kakun, Nerd42,
and Nintendorulez) to administrator, all on the same day. Due to the great gaping hole of funny left in the
heart of Uncyclopedia after Chronarion's departure, these three will appear to have immense comedic talents, but this is not true. The humor put forth by these demons is a false humor, one not of Unyclopedia, but of Hell. The
effects of these three being sysop'd will be the immediate deletion of Euroipods, Red Shirts and Fisher Price, and the immediate banning of
everyone who ever voted Against one of Kakun's "pictures".
4. Thy second to last sign that the end is near will be horrible reskinnings of the Mainpage. With Kakun, Nerd42, and
Nintendorulez in seats of power, they will have the tools to reskin the Mainpage and they will use them for terrible ends. The Reskinnings
will include Republicanopedia, Christianopedia, Leukemiapedia, IFuckedYourMomOPedia, AuschwitzTheMusicalopedia, Goatseopedia and PaedoPedia. With each successive skinning
more and more users will leave Uncyclopedia's Hallowed Halls, never to return.
5. Thy fifth and final sign of the Unpocalypse will be the coming of the Grue Hordes. With Uncyclopedia's defenses
weakened, the Grue Hordes will come flooding through the unguarded gates spreading strife, famine, vanity, and
stub articles. They will kill the men, and rape the women and cattle of Uncyclopedia. The Grues will leave in their
path hundreds of slain users and admins, destroy everything, and will recede back
into their homeland.
Once all of these horrible events have passed, no one will be left to worship Sophia. This will make Sophia mad,
resulting in the aforementioned rain of flaming Hebrews that will utterly destroy Uncyclopedia. It has been said
that if Sophia is feeling creative on the day of final destruction she may also make it rain deep fried fetuses, before the forty days of fog.
This is the end, my friends. Goodbye.
The Writer
At the bottom of the page there are pictures, drawn in by someone using a 2 HB pencil. (you can tell because underneath the pictures it says "These pictures were drawn with a 2 HB pencil")
Other Signs that the Unpocalypse is coming[edit source]
The following is a list of other signs of the Unpocalypse. These signs, however, are not all Sophia sanctioned.
- The Uncyclopedia Potatoes wins the Superb Owl.
- There is a suicide in the family, and the perpetrator leaves his/her suicide note on his/her user page.
- The front page is reskinned to look like Encyclopedia Dramatica.
- Sophia dies.
- The internet breaks in half, and Uncyclopedia is in the middle.
- The mothership lands, and all Uncyclopedians are carried off, leaving their baby to die.
- Wikipedia gives up its struggle for dominance, and resorts to vandalizing Uncyclopedia; the onslaught of Wikipedia users overwhelms the admins, and destroying Uncyclopedia.
- Apple Computers Ltd. buys Uncyclopedia.
- Microsoft will buy Apple and Rule over Uncyclopedia with Bill Gates as Admin.
- People stop complaining about Uncyclopedia on Wikipedia's talk page for Uncyc.
- Every single article will have a list on it.
- Drama will become a sysop.