UnScripts:Don't Go There!

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Don't Go There! is part of

The UnScripts Project

Your personal Shakspearian folio of humor, love, woe and other silly emotions

Jim is in the sitting room. He is watching Cable TV. Enter Bob.

Bob: Hey Jim! What's on TV?
Jim: Don't go there! (audience laughs)
Bob sits down.
Jim: How was work at the glue factory?
Bob gives Jim a look.
Jim: Don't go there! (audience laughs)
Bob: What do you mean?
Jim: Shut up!
Bob: Seriously! (audience laughs)
Jim: Well, I was promoted to supervisor and then Gary got sucked into the glue strainer and was killed. I had to fish bits of him out of the blades. It was very traumatic. I said not to go there. (audience laughs)
Bob: You think that's bad! I ran out of Coke and I had to go to the supermarket, and they didn't have any Coke, just Pepsi, and I got that, AND THERE WERE FOUR PEOPLE IN THE QUEUE!!!
Jim: Yes. You're right, you're day was worse.
Bob: That's not it either. When I got home, I'd missed the big football game.
They both look at camera.
Jim and Bob: ZING!!! (audience laughs)

Flashback to earlier in the day. Bob is at the shop.

Bob: Oh man. I don't have enough change!
Shopkeeper: You'll have to put back an item.
Bob: Don't go there! (audience laughs)
Shopkeeper: No seriously. I'll call the cops.
Bob: ZING!!! (audience laughs)
Shopkeeper: What?
Bob: I...zing.
Shopkeeper: You think that trying to steal from me will averted by saying zing?
Bob: I'll just put these J-cloths back.

Slap bass solo for 30 seconds. Back in the living room, Cathy enters carrying a number of bags.

Cathy: Oh! My! God! (audience laughs)
Jim: Hey Cathy!
Cathy: Hey Jim! Hey...you... (she glowers at Bob - audience laughs)
Bob: What'd I do? Oh Jeez! (audience laughs)
Jim: What's up?
Cathy: Don't go there! (audience laughs)
Bob: Seriously?
Cathy: You hit me with your car you fuckwit! (audience laughs)

Bob and Jim look at each other.

Bob and Jim: ZING!!! (audience laughs)
Bob: So that's how I got those ass-shaped dents in my car! (audience laughs)
Cathy: I'm calling the police.
Bob: Don't go there! (audience laughs)
Jim: Yeah! (shakes fist - audience laughs)

Slap bass solo for 30 seconds over a montage of scenes from New York ending with sound of glass breaking.

At the police station...

Police Officer: Name?
Bob: Don't go there! (audience laughs)
Officer: What?
Bob: ZING!!! (audience laughs)
Officer: Tell me your name or you'll go to jail.
Bob: Bob.
Officer: Bob what?
Bob: Bob, pleased to meet you! (audience laughs)
Bob: (pause) ZING!!! (audience laughs)
Officer: What's your full name?
Bob: Just Bob. I have no surname.
Officer: Really? How did that happen?
Bob: Don't go there! (audience laughs)
Bob: Anyway, don't I get one phone call?
Officer: Yeah. (hands phone to Bob)
Bob: Jim! (Jim answers phone)
Jim: Bob! Where are you?
Bob: Don't go there! (audience laughs)
Jim: Now is not the time Bob. (audience laughs)
Bob: I'm at the police station. I need you to bail me out.
Jim: OK, I'm on my way. I'd better tell my boss that I have to go.

Two-minute slap bass solo.

Jim arrives at the station.

Jim: I'm here for my friend.
Officer: Who's your friend?
Jim: Bob.
Officer: Bob who?
Jim: Bob...um... (audience laughs)
Officer: ZING!!! (audience laughs)
Jim: What?
Officer: Um...zing.
Jim: What?
Officer: I'll just take you to him shall I?

They walk to a cell.

Jim: Bob!
Bob: Jim!
Jim: How have you been?
Bob: Don't go there! (audience laughs)
Jim: Seriously?
Bob: Well I was beaten rather severely. (audience laughs)
Jim: Ouch! (audience laughs)
Jim: Let's get you out of here. Ho much will it be officer?
Officer: $400
Jim: Aww Jeez! (audience laughs)

Fade to rather cheesy music.

Fin.