UnNews talk:Scientists Cite Cartoon Couple as Cause of Weird Marriage Pattern
From Pee Review[edit source]
UnNews:Scientists Cite Cartoon Couple as Cause of Weird Marriage Pattern[edit source]
Wrote this last night. I'm just not sure about the humo(u)r factor lasting throughout. Also, I originally misspelled this page, so somebody fixed it for me. I put the old title on QVFD, so if it gets erased accidentally, I'll get it back up as quickly as possible.--Mr.Vib 12:13, 25 May 2007 (UTC)
| Humour: | 5 | There is a basis for humor, but as you said, its not really coming through as well as it should. Flecks though, like the 1984 reference. |
| Concept: | 6 | One that has potential, but really needs the jokes to back it up. |
| Prose and formatting: | 9 | Very well written, and well formatted. |
| Images: | 7 | Love the Costello caption! |
| Miscellaneous: | 7 | I like the way you want this to read. It just needs a little more comedy breathed in. |
| Final Score: | 34 | See End Notes |
| Reviewer: | THINKER 20:38, 28 May 2007 (UTC) | |
The phenomenon of ugly-guy-with-hot-chick is a heavy undertaking, and this is a decent way of jumping on it. I don't know if the whole "he keeps asking until she finally gives in" is really funny enough. Perhaps this is just a POV thing, but I think changing that element would alter the bulk of the midsection, and probably boost the funny a bit. I think a little tailoring of the end could work too, except for the last line which is gold. Basically from the third paragraph to about the eighth. I know it sounds like a lot, but the alteration of that one aforementioned anchoring element will make writing the rest easy (you obviously write well, so it'll probably just flow). I hope this helps some. :) --THINKER 20:38, 28 May 2007 (UTC)