UnNews talk:Man ruled "not guilty by reason of Frenchness"

very funny -well done -- ⦿⨦⨀ Phrage (talk) 05:18, January 14, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks, but merde alors! this is not the way I like 'em! For starters, it comes from the "Weird News" section--brought to my attention on the web page of Boston talk radio guy Howie Carr. Taking stuff from Weird News usually means the joke is already in it, and it's someone else's joke.

Yes, the passenger did say that, and do that; I only made it an UnNews to try taking it in the additional direction that he goes on to successfully use Frenchness as a legal defense. (And, added just now, that the judge is French too.) Phrage, I presumed this talk page was empty and at first only came here to wonder aloud whether this UnNews is a dud. I still think the ending is a dud. Spıke ¬ 05:30 14-Jan-11

Your Change Summary says I'll hate it and, well....Ambrisco is her name, and this and nearby stuff have the benefit of coming directly from the news. You added too many things added without intending to take the reader somewhere specific. I eagerly accept your additional French stereotypes! and will delete your and my theories on fictional American law. And I think I have an ending that works. Spıke ¬ 07:39 14-Jan-11

I don't know why our conversation til now disappeared. Here is the version I did, Take what ever you like from it or take the lot -do not be too slavishly hung up in echoing the original article.-- ⦿⨦⨀ Phrage (talk) 08:34, January 14, 2011 (UTC)

conversation continues on User:SPIKE/UnNews

---

NEW YORK, N.Y. -- In Newark Federal Court yesterday Asterix-Marie Lebrun of Grenoble, France succeeded in getting charges dismissed of intimidating a flight crew member, on the grounds of proving irrefutable evidence of being French.

Mr. Lebrun was allegedly smoking in an airplane lavatory last July during an 8 hour transatlantic flight. The crew of Delta Flight 83 confronted him, at which time he put his novel legal strategy into play, yelling, "I'm French--F***YOU!"

FBI agent and 5 times 170lb weightlifter champion of Alaska Janet Lambrosia, was also a passenger, en route to a toothbrush microphone conference and trade show. Evidence from her toothbrush recording was produced in court, but a corrosive fluoride and saliva deposit had made it unintelligible.

She testified that Mr. Lebrun used several English-language obscenities, and this could have damaged his case, as French offers vastly superior swear words and bon mots .

His lawyer countered that Lebrun's asking the powerfully built agent whether she had ever sported a penis was actually his desperate attempt in english to wish her "everrry "appiness".

In addition evidence from cabin crew that he had eaten the airline meal of Velveeta processed cheese on Wonderloaf, Peanut Reese Cups , and Wrigleys grape flavor chewing gum, and had drunk American blush Concord wine and several cups of weak American coffee with minimal complaining, when presented by the prosecution seemed damning to his CGI (Cochon-Gallique Ignorancé) literally French Pig-Ignorant defense.

Under an old vestige of Napoleonic law on the New Jersey statute books (Loi des Sales Yanqués Manqués ) his request to trial by odourometer was granted.

However his lawyer countered with evidence of strong halitosis,superb grooming, and aftershave,and red socks, but hygiene so appalling it had necessitated the moving of other nauseated passengers.

According to the complaint, however, "Lebrun then approached a female flight crew attendant in an aggressive yet seductive manner and vigorously caressed her 'chestual area' with both hands." while softly whispering "Come F***" in her ear.

He did so again after being requested in english not to be so rough .

Evidence was offered that his statement was in reality the french phrase "comme phoques"( like baby seals) not a proposal of coitus , and Mr. Lebrun had been complimenting the stewardess on the firmness and bounty of her breasts which he had compared in french to two baby seals. Turbulence may have contributed to the stewardess falling into his arms, his lawyer claimed. Janet Lambrosia was not caressed at any time.

This testimony was the key that convinced federal judge Hiram T. Pennybacker the 3rd of both Mr. Lebrun's nationality and consequent innocence .

The judge released him on his own cognizance, holding that "the defendant, being French, cannot be held responsible for being drunk, a womanizer, smelly, excitable, conceited, and a compulsive chain-smoker of unfiltered cigarettes."

Judge Pennybacker in his ruling, stated that "anyone entering the United States must be told exactly what to do and what not to do and what to do sometimes and what never to do , and in his native language, and should not be told not what to do in any language for any reason other than to do as done per the stipulations contained herein. He went on to say that it was all a damned "to do about nothing"

A plea bargain deal was agreed, in which, in exchange for the charges being dropped, Lebrun agrees to cook a seven course meal for the cabin crew, go on a date with Janet Lambrosia, and perform an accordion concert at Prudence Crandall School for Blind Negro Girls[[1]] during his stay.

Legislation is being fastracked through Congress to provide laminated cards in Arabic and French and Irish on all incoming flights to the US requesting passengers, not to smoke, wipe their rectums with hotel towels immediately after defecation, or plant incendiary devices during their stay.-- ⦿⨦⨀ Phrage (talk) 13:17, January 14, 2011 (UTC)

photo

that picture for the Poo Lit Surprise of the guy with giant moustaches would make a cool one for the article-- ⦿⨦⨀ Phrage (talk) 13:21, January 15, 2011 (UTC)