UnNews:Will you marry me, Katie?

Thursday, February 18, 2016

This isn't a picture of me. I can't afford a nice suit like that, but will you marry me anyway?

Oh, Katie. My sweet Katie. I long to wake up to your beautiful face every day, with Journey blasting on the alarm clock radio. I long for the coffees, breakfast, and lame chick flicks I hope we share together.

I have been madly in love with you ever since I laid eyes on you in the sixth grade when you tattled on that fat kid because he picked his nose.

I was heartbroken when you went to the prom with that jock, Steve, who died while drinking and driving one week before graduation. He was such a jerk. I remember how you stood up to him when he gave me that wedgie and everybody else pointed and laughed.

I'll never forget the first date we went on. We went to see Superman Returns. Man, that movie sucked. Brandon Routh was a lame Superman. But I guess you, kinda, liked it; you never told me.

I can't believe it's been ten years since our first date. Wow. Seems like only yesterday. And now, I'm ready. I'm ready to ask the most important question of my life and yours...

Katie, will you marry me?

I will be the best man I can be. And I'll make you the happiest woman in the world. Because you're worth it, Katie. You're totally worth it.

I love you, Katie, with all of my heart. It's highly unlikely that you visit Uncyclopedia, let alone UnNews, but if you do, and you are right now, what do you say?

Will you marry me, Katie?

Katie.

Sources

• Eva Wiseman "Will You Marry Me, Katie? Man proposes on cover of Observer Magazine" The Guardian, February 14, 2016

See also

• I Love Lucy