UnNews:Wave of nostalgia sweeps Iran

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

1 April 2007

British Embassy site of planned hostage takeover

Ah, the good old days, when any student could freely express his individual, state-sponsored, xenophobia in a frenzied manner! The smell of hostages pissing themselves... it's all so - dare we say - invigorating!

TEHRAN, UNN desk - Approaching the 30th Anniversary of the taking of the American Embassy in Tehran, the Iranian people today began extending invitations to the residents of the British Embassy compound to come and join them for an anticipated forced stay of a year or more as guests of the government today.

Invitations, wrapped about rocks, where delivered today by a mob of 200 students who were hungry for the good old days enjoyed by their parents some 28 years ago when they invited the U.S. Embassy personnel to an extended stay vacation, complete with blindfolds, ritualistic head shavings and propaganda messages videotaped to “give reassurances to the American Devil that their spawn was being well cared for.”

“Our embassy guards are on strict orders not to fire on the students,” stated British Embassy liaison Mildred Duckworth, a native of Snavely-on-Tyne. “Hands on lessons in history are important tools for helping students grasp the world and peoples around them and make it and them theirs.”

In a totally unrelated move, London oddsmakers are figuring out what the probability is of the Embassy will be seized, how many hostages will be taken and how many days said hostages will be held. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Iran's version of Napoleon is rumored to have placed a large sum of money on the "30 days-or-so" bet, which offers odds of 3:1. "Had he given us a more exact date the odds would have most certainly dropped to even," said Mr. Darren O'Shea, a London oddsmaker.

Duckworth summed up her briefing by stating that “Anna Russell said it best when she said ‘Deep down inside of us all there is a certain stagnant something.’ For this exercise, the British Embassy personal are ready to dig down deep, find ourselves stagnant and think about the good of the British Empire.”

Sources

• A Reporter Who is Scared Shitless That He is Going to be Taken Hostage "Protest in Iran targets British Embassy" Associated Press, April 1, 2007