UnNews:Vertically challenged individual sues Microsoft

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29 January 2010

Plus, the gaddamned toilets are too tall!

Los Angelos CA -- It emerged today that one diminuative employee of Microsoft is intending to take the software giant to court, on the grounds that light switches and other wall-mounted devices were placed too high for the 3-and-a-half worker. The employee in question, Reilly Short, told reporters, "Being short should not be a hinderance to working at Microsoft. Neither should any other abnormality. I am just one example of instances where some workers are not being taken into account when decisions are made. We must not forget the bigger picture."

As well as asking for a large sum of money in compensation, Mr. Short is demanding that Microsoft duplicate all buttons, switches and levers that are located on the walls of any Microsoft building at a level where they can be reached by someone of his height.

Mr. Short's lawyer, John Bigg, told us, "My clients demands are very reasonable. He has clearly not just jumped on the Lawsuit bandwagon which has been going around recently."

Bill Gates refused to comment, but Microsoft has issued a statement saying, "At Microsoft we try our very best to be as inclusive as possible. We do not discriminate against anyone because of their height, race, sexual orientation or age. We apologise most sincerely to Mr. Short, but we feel obliged to sue him for libel, on account of his claims that we discriminated against him." The spokesperson then added, "Buy Windows 7. It is in no way, shape, or form a rebadged vista, and we are not ripping you off in the slightest."

Mr. Short plans to spend his compensation money on a stretching operation to make him 6ft tall, thus making Microsoft's upgrades of their building a complete waste of time. Microsoft will not have wasted this much money since they launched the Vista operating system.

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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.