UnNews:Use of phrase "Dirty Chav Scumbag Shit Baskets" slammed

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23 May 2007

Bloody ruffians!

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THE USE OF PHRASES such as "Dirty Chav Scumbag Shit Baskets" to describe youths who hang around committing crime could make their activities worse, a study has claimed.

The Youth Justice Board conducted a major study on derogatory attitudes toward ratboy shit-scum and concluded that such terms are "inappropriate". It also suggested replacing the phrase "verminous little subhuman piss stains" with "misunderstood youth victim".

Organisation chairman Rupert Nonce, whose organisation also believes that the legal age of criminal responsibility should be raised to 32, said: "These lovely, pretty young boys are just misunderstood. We as a nation need to embrace them, not shun them as pariahs!"

"Many of these pert young young boys, some of whom I have come to know very well I might add, resent the accusation that they are some gutter dwelling scum. I can testify that from my experience with these, remarkably mature young men, that they are anything but 'Shit baskets'."

One such "youth", Kevin "Stabber" Harris had accompanied Mr Nonce. Harris expressed his own experience in being on the receiving end of such bigotted attitudes, "Last month I got caught nicking some old geezers car innit. The old poof called me a 'Little bag of baked shitcake' before hitting me around the head with his walking stick!"

Clearly distressed "Stabber" continued, "OK, so I got £12,000 compensation and the old duffer subsequently died of a stroke but I still have nightmares man! How could he call me a shitcake, I'm a human being innit."

In later developments Mr Nonce was later arrested by police for "inappropriate behaviour" with Kevin, in a park.

Sources

• BBC "R-E-S-P-I-K-T (innit)" BBC, May 23, 2007