UnNews:Uncyclopedia sues Amazon for $1500

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4 March 2013

The offensive T-shirt uses the logo of the British Royal Family, none of whom are known to be rapists.

AMAZON, Brazil – In an attempt to make $1500 to pay for its servers, notorious online encyclopedia Uncyclopedia is suing Amazon.com for selling T-shirts apparently advocating rape - with the self-styled "poor, meme-ridden comedy website" claiming it has the monopoly on bad taste rape jokes.

Veteran Uncyclopedian Shifty Ballsack told UnNews, "This is not cool. First The Onion gets lots of free publicity for calling someone a cunt when we have been doing it for years, and now Amazon is making rape T-shirts, when we nearly got thrown off Wikia our old unmentionable servers for our obsession with sexual violation. We want our $1500!"

The case has been providing many internet readers with amusement, something which also upsets Uncyclopedians, as they sometimes try to be funny.

As though the fact that one of the world's biggest retailers selling rape T-shirts wasn't hilarious enough, Solid Gold Bomb, the manufacturers behind the T-shirt, released this statement on Friday: "This T-shirt has been immediately deleted as it was and had been automatically generated using a scripted computer process running against hundreds of thousands of dictionary words."

This depiction of the manufacturing process - as if it were a big system of levers, wires and pulleys, with machines that go beep and devices that go bong, and with not a pair of human hands or eyes to be found anywhere - made readers of the Huffington Post laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh. The idiotic use of "was and had been" led users to suggest the press release had a religious air, and a mocked up T-shirt with the slogan, "As it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, rape without end," quickly went viral.

Uncyclopedians however, did not see the funny side. Site administrator General Shitface said, "It's just like when the dude at the Onion said, 'We have instituted new and tighter Twitter procedures to ensure that this kind of mistake does not occur again.' What does that mean? Do they think we don't know humans type things? Some cocksucker called that black girl a cunt, and some cocksucker made a rape joke on a T-shirt. Well our cocksuckers have been making rape jokes for years. Where's our $1500?"

Meanwhile Amazon responded robustly to the claim, saying, "We deeply regret listing these unfunny, offensive T-shirts. However, we do not feel we are liable to anyone for any form of compensation, let alone copyright claims. Uncyclopedia does not have a monopoly on rape. We have been raping bookshops for the last decade."

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