UnNews:UK porn finally rid of female ejaculation scourge

Thursday, December 4, 2014

The typical culmination of a "Point of View" porn film, in which an off-screen female starlet ejaculates all over her suitably submissive male co-star.

The Audiovisual Media Services Regulations 2014 have been published, meaning that no UK-based video-on-demand (VoD) porn site may show scenes of female ejaculation.

The regulations ban a list of acts including caning, "water sports" and fisting, but it's female ejaculation that really catches the eye, if you will pardon the expression.

"This puts an end to a scourge which has plagued British pornography. Or was it a plague which had scourged British pornography?" stuttered Phil McHock, Head Campaigner of the Female Orgasm Crackdown Association (FOCA).

"It got to the stage where almost every porn movie I watched ended with the same degrading scene - a woman clasping her co-star's head and ejaculating into his face."

The campaign was widely supported by secondary school teachers, who had noted increasingly aggressive sexual behaviour among their female students, many of whom thought that a woman ejaculating over a man was the "natural" way for the act of love-making to terminate.

McHock admitted, however, that he had personally been driven by his own life experiences, suffering at the hands of what he called "a misandrist generation of young women who have been raised on porn and have thus normalised its most sexist acts.

"I'd say about 9 out of 10 of my girlfriends have probably asked if they can ejaculate on my face - and one or two even did it without asking, which I believe is technically called a Sailor's Surprise."

However, industry insiders warned that the move would be a blow to the UK Porn Industry, "Our viewers know what they want, and what they want at the end of a porno is to see the male lead's face looking like a plasterer's radio," said John Corey, porn producer and star. "Porn revolves around the satisfaction of the woman and the achievement of her orgasm - if you take that out, I don't know what you will have left.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I am going to film two women dressed as nuns shoving dildos up my bum while they shout bible verses in cod Irish accents and shit on a white leather sofa. It's a sequel."

Sources

• Leverage, "A long list of sex acts just got banned in UK porn - including female ejaculation" Independent, December 4, 2014