UnNews:U.S. judge strikes out the age rules for the "morning-after" pill

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

5 April 2013

What the fuck do you think this is, bitch? A card game?
Now available to females of all ages. Now nine year old girls, too, can kill babies with one pill!

A so-called federal judge ordered the Food and Drug Administration to make the classic "morning-after" emergency baby assassination pills available without a prescription to all girls of reproductive age last Friday. In all likeliness, some anti-abortionists might be gawd-awfully pissed. But too bad for them, for China is already looking into investing a trade involving these pills with the USA; all in order to limit their births per year. Which we, here at UnNews, hear is quite high.

Almost immediately after, the federal judge criticized the Obama administration for trying to interfere with the process for greedy political purposes: "God dammit Obama! LET THE WHORES BE WHORES!"

The ruling in a court located in Brooklyn is the most recent step in the while-long history over the pill maliciously known as, "Plan B," a drug that has infamously sparked political and religious battles. (The religious ones were between Catholics, just putting that out there) Anti-abortionists groups condemned it, whilst reproductive-rights groups strongly cheered the decision as overdue. More precisely, an extreme encouragement; involving cheerleading and all that shit.

On a side note, the order rescinds a December 2011 decision by Kathleen Sebelius, which limited the pill without prescription to women 17 years old or older. This was a surprise move that countered an FDA recommendation for access at all ages. It was also a surprise move that countered an FDA recommendation that President Obama supported strongly by forcing invoking his daughters to have wild sex. Many responded with "Seriously, Obama? Haven't you already done enough?"

A good closing mark would be that in his reason, the federal judge claimed that the FDA's rejection of requests to remove age restrictions was "ridiculous, destined-to-get-12-year-olds-preggo, and extremely fucking retarded. Just like this whole argument."

In a quick response, the FDA returned the criticism with some of their own for the federal judge: "Your mother seemed to agree with us after testing it out with numerous of our employees last night. Filthy whore."