UnNews:Timewarp reveals Ahmedinejad future
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5 February 2013
The year 2018, New York City, USA --
The former president of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, has crashed into the sea off the coast of New York City, in a prototype space vessel launched last year by the fledgling Iranian Space Agency.
Ahmadinejad disappeared from radar several hours into his historic flight aboard the experimental craft, and had been missing and presumed dead ever since.
Early this morning NORAD went on alert when it first detected the Iranian space vehicle re-entering the atmosphere and on a direct heading for New York City.
The alert was cancelled after the vehicle crashed into the sea without incident, and search and rescue vessels were immediately dispatched to investigate.
It was subsequently discovered that Ahmadinejad was alive and in good physical condition, though apparently in a confused mental state. He resisted attempts to transfer him to a Coast Guard vessel, but was eventually overpowered and brought aboard.
As the Coast Guard vessel approached the harbor, the Statue of Liberty became visible and then Mr. Ahmadinejad, surrounded by puzzled security personnel, fell to his knees and in heavily accented English began shouting, "They did it, they really did it! They blew it up! You maniacs! God damn you all to hell!"
Amid the awkward silence that followed, the vessel docked and Ahmadinejad was disembarked and led to a waiting ambulance. On the way he was approached by female reporter Nova Rodriguez, who was wearing high-heels and a short skirt. The former president reportedly looked at her legs and grew extremely agitated, and then lunged towards her. As he was dragged away he began shouting, "It's a madhouse! A madhouse!"
Mr. Ahmadinejad was brought to Bellevue Hospital where a complete physical and psychological evaluation was carried out. This afternoon, Dr. Shroomkopf of the Bellevue Psych Unit released the following statement.
"Although Mr. Ahmadinejad is in perfect physical condition, his mental faculties had deteriorated to the point where he was, initially at least, severely out of touch with reality. He claims to believe that he is not on the Earth he left one year ago, but is instead on what he calls, the 'Planet of the Infidels' which exists in some sort of parallel universe. Though shown maps of Iran, and allowed to speak to the Iranian Ambassador on the phone, he continues to insist that he is being lied to. In my professional opinion, Mr. Ahmadinejad became aware of his error while speaking with the ambassador and is only continuing to make these bizarre claims because he is too embarrassed to admit he was mistaken. There is nothing we can do for him here, and he is free to go."
The State Department today said that in order to make arrangements for Ahmadinejad's repatriation, it has been trying to contact the Iranian Foreign Ministry all afternoon, but they seem to be refusing to answer the phone.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- "Ahmadinejad says he is ready to be first Iranian in space" News Daily, February 4, 2013