UnNews:This world is fucked

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5 August 2007

Wrought by Sauron's evil will, these clouds of death are the final thing little Johnny sees.

CITY, State -- Here and there people are beginning to see the utter ruthlessness and cruelty of the prevalent system called modern civilization in which they are born. One freedom fighter exporting freedom to Iraq lamented whilst standing amid the fields of a recently blown up farm, and looking into the sky above him with starry-eyes, "Do I have a machinegun like a baker has his custard filler, or the farmer, whom I have just murdered for democracy, used to have a plowshare for his living? Because video games only taught me that killing as many people, from point "A" to point "B" is how to win. How could I not then join the army and kill real people, and collect a paycheck, too? Each man to his own trade, I suppose." A brief word from his CO helped him get back with the program.

Many others similarly jaded, but who are not yet themselves the immediate or apparent victims of today's inhumane and supposed civilization, collectively wonder, Why, if all the nutjobs are stuck in mental asylums, is the world so fucked up? And they turn they gaze towards their respective national leaders parading about and sigh, thinking how nice it would be to gather them all in a high-walled confinement and arm them using taxpayer money to allow them to put holes in one another to their heart's content.

Meanwhile, little Johnny stood on a highrise balcony in New York City, where the foul smog spewed forth from that wicked city blocks out the night stars and magnify the city lights with an unnatural glow so they appear as a million angry little eyes staring at poor Johnny. So he yearned and reached for the stars he'd never seen before but knew were there beyond the claws of Mordor and which belonged to him and everyone else- little Johnny's attempt to fly ended disastrously, with an abrupt jolt at the base of the skyscraper.

Sources

• B Elzebub "Into the Valley of Death" Hades, August 5, 2007