UnNews:The Breakfast War Starts

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

Thursday, May 6, 2021
Tensions between the Waffle and Pancake Nations have been rising for years. Many French Toast ambassadors have been trying to prevent a large-scale war between the two. However, inevitably, the Pancakes declared war on the Waffles. When the CTA (Cereal-Toast Alliance) leaders were asked what they thought of the current situation, the Toast President shared, "All I'm going to say is that I hope the French Toast Nation doesn't try to intervene. I may have given them independence, but I still worry for them."

You may now panic and freak out.

Backstory

Some of you reading this UnNews Article may have been wondering what caused this war to start. Well, it all started when some rebellious Pancake citizens, known as "The Hotcakes", started spreading propaganda that the Waffle Nation was just like the Pancake Nation, but kinder and more considerate. This caused the Pancake Prime Minister throw a temper tantrum as if he was a toddler, threating the Waffle Royalty that if they didn't disprove these rumors, they would be in BIG TROUBLE. The Waffle King, confused, stated that they would only disprove them once he knew they were real. The Hotcakes did not reveal that they had spread the propaganda, which made the Waffle Queen accuse the Pancakes of being the impo- I mean, bluffing. This escalated further when the Bacons jokingly blew up the dam of one of the Waffles' syrup reservoirs. The Waffle Prince said that it must have been the Pancakes, which caused the Pancake Prime Minister to poop his diaper out of fear and confusion and have to change it. Things like this continued until the start of the war.

Recommended Things to Do

1. Panic.
2. Panic some more.
3. Freak out.
4. Refer to the past three rules.
5. Find out the Pancake Prime Minister's actual age.
6. Refer to number 4.
7. Investigate the mysterious disappearance of Robert Phillips.
8. Wonder what book I got that last one from.
9. Have s** with the Waffle Princess.
10. Do all of those other things, in that order. (Do it three times if your feeling lucky!)

Have a nice day!