UnNews:Syria crisis terribly unfunny; ideal topic for UnNews

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

5 September 2013

Despite valiant attempts from writers, the Assad regime is the only one amused.

The tragic use of chemical weapons in the Syrian Civil War has garnered so much media attention that the most desperate of parody news sites have been compelled to try and satirize it and the various reactions to it.

"Our mottos are: 'If it's popular, then parody' and 'If it's trending then we're trying'," said UnNews Chief Executive Vice-Treasurer Bernard Goldstein. "We're obligated to parody something because it's popular, even if it's not that funny to begin with, because after all, we are not that funny to begin with."

Regarding the United Nations' ongoing investigation into the use of chemical weapons, U.N. Security Council scientific adviser Hanz Hermann told UnNews that, "More advanced and definitive tests are still being conducted, but preliminary test results indicate that the chemical weapons used are horrifyingly unfunny."

The Obama administration has also emphasized the seriousness of the situation by proposing limited military action against the Assad regime to stop more intolerable violence from happening and to allow the situation in Syria to return to a state of tolerable violence. According to experts in international diplomacy, too many unfunny atrocities of this sort are satirized when it is the consequences that are usually much more funny.

"For example, the Holocaust. The Holocaust is inherently not funny," says Lars Schuler of the Cato Institute. "But if you use the Holocaust to justify the creation of a Jewish country by screwing over some desert dwellers who had nothing to do with it, then that's pretty funny." This has led many to wonder how comedy writers can dare to make fun of the Syrian crisis when the funniest part -- United States intervention -- hasn't even happened yet.

"Being funny is about being topical," surmises Bernard Goldstein. "We at UnNews like it so topical that you can apply it liberally to your skin, even if there's nothing funny about it and it makes your skin look worse."