UnNews:Survey:More than half of young Britons breathe to get oxygen

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

1 June 2006

A member of the Young Christians Against Breathing Organization (YCABO) demonstrates part of their 10 Steps to Quitting abstinence program.

LONDON - More than 59% of Britons aged between 18 & 24 breathe air just to get high on Oxygen (street name O-tew™), and the practice is expected to rise dramatically during the forthcoming football World Cup, a health disinformation taskforce said.

The survey for the Developing Information Magically (DIM) also found that over 43% of 25 to 34-year-olds also consume air to get Oxygen. In total, more than 24% of all Britons (who weren't fish) share the same addiction patterns.

30% of British people -- 38% of men & 23% of women -- also admit to breathing too much, usually after a short run, but occasionally whilst on the phone, according to the DIM which surveyed 3 individuals.

Doctor Wainthrope Pickleflange, the DIM chairman, said "The results are alarming, as this means that the numbers are probably a lot higher when you take into account people who are not even aware that they are breathing."

44% of 18 to 34 year olds expect to be breathing more than usual over the period of the football World Cup, although 10% of those surveyed did say that this would probably be caused by yawning.

Doctor Pickleflange commented on this figure, saying "This is almost exactly the same figure as the number of 18 to 24-year-olds who cut down on their breathing during the last World Cricket Cup. There may be some correlation, but at this moment we are unsure."

Sources

• Reverend Bilbo Baggins "Are Christianity and oxygen compatible?" Pangalactic News International, June 1, 2006