UnNews:Shock over new Pakistan Taliban leader
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
7 November 2013
The world was shocked today by the announcement of the new leader of the Pakistani Taliban - 28-year-old IT worker Daniel McCarthy from Iowa.
Just a week after former Lakimullah Mehsud was killed in a drone attack, the Islamic fundamentalists moved quickly to name McCarthy, an Iowa State University graduate who lives with his mother, as his successor.
McCarthy, who, when asked about his religious leanings, told reporters, "I'm a lapsed Irish Catholic - very Irish and very, very lapsed!" was seemingly as surprised as anyone else. He demonstrated a profound lack of understanding of the Taliban's cause, linking the group vaguely to the war in Iraq, before confusing the terms "Islamic" and "Muslim".
Despite being seemingly inappropriate for the role, McCarthy admitted he was flattered by the offer and said he "might go just to see what the country is like." He went on to deny that he had already begun growing a big Muslim beard for the role, explaining that his facial hair was merely the result of his participation in Movember.
The Taliban was not available to comment, but commentators have suggested the apparent mix-up might have been the result of high rates of illiteracy among the group.
Wherever this odd turn of events might lead us, the press conference ended on a positive note, with McCarthy telling a concerned reporter from the Des Moines Yiddish Chronicle: "I have nothing against the Jews."
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Leverage, "Pakistan Taliban name new leader" BBC, November 07, 2013