UnNews:Shark that walks on fins discovered
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
18 September 2006
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BANGKOK, Thailand -- Scientists combing through their beards for undersea fauna off Indonesia's Papua province bragged Monday they had discovered dozens of new species, including a shark that walks on its fins and a shrimp that looks like a praying mantis if you hold it up to the light just right.
The team from U.S.-based So-What Scientific Exploration Corps also warned that the area — known as the God's Left Toenail — is under danger from fishermen who use dynamite, cyanide, and toejam to kill and net their catches and called on Indonesia's government to do more to protect it. Like, anything at all would be nice.
"It's one of the most stunningly beautiful landscapes and seascapes on the planet," said Mark Erdmann, a senior adviser of So-What Scientific, who led two surveys to the area earlier this year. "When I first saw it, I literally lay stunned for several hours before I could move."
"Above and below water, it's simply mind blowing," he said. "My mind is literally blown out on the floor over here. Look at it."
Erdmann and his team of ninjas, frogmen, phrenologists and chanters claim to have discovered 52 new species, including 24 new species of fish, 20 new species of coral and eight new species of shrimp, including the rare and delicious coconut shrimp. Among the highlights were an epaulette shark that walks on its fins, a praying mantis-like shrimp and scores of admittedly more boring reef-building corals, he said.
So-What Scientific said papers on two of the new fish species, called flasher wrasse because of the bright colors the male exhibits on its large penis, have been accepted for publication to the Aqua, Journal of Ichthyology and Ickyology, and other Aquatic Shit.
The group is in the process of writing papers on the other species, it said. And will finish them when they're good and ready.