UnNews:Sea of Japan Surrenders to North Korea
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
4 July 2006
PYONGYANG, North Korea -- After vowing a wave of "annihilating retaliation" should they make any militaristic overtures, the rogue nation of North Korea launched 6 ballistic missiles into the Sea of Japan. Delivering a decisive blast of shrapnel, followed by a shock wave said to be heard for several miles, the North Korean government certified that they had detonated as planned, and called the attack a "stunning show of power for our Dear Leader."
While tensions had been high between the Sea of Japan and North Korea for some time due to a disagreement on its name, relations became increasingly strained after a Taep'o-dong missile was fired into the sea in 1998. Condemned by the world community, many hoped that a shaky moratorium on missile launches would hold. But North Korea, concerned with being sidelined by Iran, decided to steal the headlines back by reigniting the conflict with the Sea of Japan.
After the devastating Taep'o-dong 2 ICBM impacted the sea, its spokesman announced that it has unconditionally surrendered to the nation of North Korea, and that it would be officially known as the Korean Sea. "We just wish that North Korea would have used peaceful means, because really, who the hell cares what the sea is called?"
With the successful firing of missiles, it is likely that North Korea will have more cards to play at the negotiating table. White House Press Secretary Tony Snow stated "This provocative behavior has certainly caused us to rethink our policy of multilateral talks, and it is likely that President Bush himself will go to North Korea to initiate a personal dialogue."
Stunned by the success, sporadic state sponsored rallies erupted throughout North Korea, trumpeting the accomplishment. One passerby commented "10 years ago I was starving. I am still starving today, but now atleast I know that the money taken from me has gone towards securing our Nation's future!"
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Associated Press "U.S. envoy warns N. Korea on ‘provocative’ acts" MSNBC, July 4, 2006
- Associated Press "N. Korea long-range missile fails in test launch" MSNBC, July 4, 2006