UnNews:Rubbermade announces breakthrough design for Husky storage

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

3 June 2006

Sales of Dog Team Storage Units are predicted to soar. This unit is designed for summer storage of cold weather dogs.

SMEGSPORT, England -- Rubbermaid, manufacturer of plastics and storage systems, introduced a new line of products targeting dog enthusiasts. "It's difficult for those of us who have several dogs. Getting them coordinated for feedings, rides in the SUV, trips to the vet; it's all very complicated," said Dr. Slobidan Goodcurry of Box End.

These difficulties are compounded where working dogs are concerned. In remotest Alaska, where dog teams are a common mode of transport in Winter, storing dogs off-season is a substantial part of the cost of living.

"We rely on teams to deliver in snowy weather," said Dana Credulous of United Parcel Service (UPS). "Cold storage would be a way to cut costs and pass the savings on to me, in the form of a raise."

Research is being conducted with frozen guinea pigs in Wellington, New Zealand at University of Sotsingham to determine how long they can be stored and remain useful. Dr. Petit du Prépuce of the Scientology Department said this: "We've had the ability to replace vital human organs with guinea pigs for years now, but transport has always been a problem. Our research shows that a guinea pig can be flash-frozen and remain viable for transplant for up to 8 days in the proper containment."

It is to this end that Rubbermaid has formed a Medical Products Division in April, 2006. Said spokesman Clive Redolent, "This division has thrust our market presence into the 21st century. With the continuing hard work of researchers, and generous donations of guinea pigs, we shall overcome." When asked what was to be overcome, Redolent gave us a sneer and said, "Wouldn't you like to know?"

Sources

• Dr. Petit du Prépuce "The French-English Circumcision Translator" New Pseudo-Sience Magazine, June 2, 2006