UnNews:Rockstar Games Releases Homage to Urban Culture

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

12 March 2006

Box cover art of the upcoming game

In an effort to support dwindling revenues, Rockstar Games has announced the release of an initially British-exclusive games title in much the same fashion as its original GTA: London release.

Earlier today in a press conference, Take-Two games (Symbol: PRON) announced the release of the new title; Grand Theft Auto: Stoke-On-Trent - citing that the aim of the new game was to identify closely with modern urban british culture, stating that the colloquial differences in language as the reason that the title will not be released in the US. Among the differences in the language changes are:

• Bitches -> Birds
• Homie -> Blud
• Buster -> Twat
• Bring It -> Fuckin' 'Ave it
• Busted -> ASBO

Other more graphical modifications will be the scenery; skies will be grey, houses will take on a semi-detached form, and the people will sport a variety of Burberry, Nike and Adidas outfit.

Missions will be altered, with no guns (except BB's) and will usually involve drinking contests, followed by being sick in the toilet, street fighting and outrunning the police, ultimately attempting to demean yourself enough to win over the heart of the woman with the most children in the city, whilst amassing the greatest number of police sanctions.

Cars will also be different; defaulting to hatchbacks, with optional neon underlighting, spinners, and lowered bumpers. Also, the player will need to cater to their character's needs to keep them alive; requiring the player to supply their character with a packet of fags every few hours, and/or a variety of mind-altering drugs.

In order to generate cash, the focus has been moved away from business in favour of visiting a variety of post offices in order to create a racquet of benefit fraud schemes by forging a variety of medical documents, whilst still giving the player the option to simultaneously work for a living, although if caught by the Inland Revenue, they will be severely penalised and lose a lot of money (and respec')

Take-Two have refused to release screenshots at this point in time, or give any further details, however, they have given a release date of approximately October, at which point the game will be available for stealing in all stores across the country.