UnNews:Queen takes ceremonial shit on baby princess' face
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
Princess Charlotte was formally introduced into the British royal family today, when her great-grandmother, the reigning monarch Queen Elizabeth II, took a ceremonial shit all over her little face.
The ritual, which was introduced to the UK from scat-mad Germany by Queen Victoria's husband Prince Albert, has been a constitutional requirement for all potential heirs to the throne since 1856. Despite its traditional nature, there was a swell of opinion against the ceremony taking place, with an online petition gaining dozens of signatures.
"In this day and age, it's just not right," said one of protestor, Joanna Corey. "Call me a modernist, but I believe our unelected rulers - financially supported by taxpayers who are almost uniformly poorer than them simply because they were born into a family whose predecessors won and maintained power by the sword - should not partake in poop-play."
Notwithstanding, the ceremony took place at Westminster Abbey, shortly after the Queen had finished a high-fibre breakfast, with key members of the royal family in attendance. There the Queen mounted the baptismal font, raised her dress the minimum amount required, and inducted her great-granddaughter into the line of succession.
The young princess, whose name is a portmanteau of "Charles" - her grandfather's name - and "a lot", as in "what she is going to cost taxpayers", weighed 6lbs 7oz before the ceremony, and around 8lb 2oz afterwards.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Leverage, "Queen meets Princess Charlotte" BBC, May 5, 2015
