UnNews:Prince George ageing software shit

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

A team of experts from the University of Bradford have published their predictions of what baby Prince George will look like based on the latest ageing software - and the images look absolutely shit.

Age 7

According to the boffins, the 7-year-old George will have one distinct feature that his relatives don't have - a notable amount of white around the corners of his head, as though he has been photoshopped by an eleven-year-old. Similarly, his left ear will look like it has been cut out of a magazine by your little sister. Far from having the typical royal haughty disdain, he will mostly spend his time looking cagily to the right, possibly because Uncle Harry is dressed as a Nazi.

Age 20

By age 20, things have seriously gone wrong for the young prince. Whether it is due to the institutionalised cruelty and buggery that he will have endured at Eton (school motto: non in campo incumbam - don't bend over in the playground) the academics have not explained. Clearly, however, some abuse has taken place. Not only does the Prince's face bear the signs of a battle with a pair of forceps - perhaps the hallmarks of a rebirthing ceremony gone wrong - but also his ears have completely changed shape. Not to mention he has a repugnant cross-eyed look about him, and a rather sinister shadow permanently cast under his left eye. The huge grotesque double chin suggests that, unlike his grandmother, he has not learned the dark arts of bullimia.

Age 40

The next twenty years will presumably be the happiest of his life, in which he fixes his strabismus, and has a considerable amount of plastic surgery: he either has ears modelled on his Prince Charles' or perhaps, utilising the technology of his future, he actually has his dead grandfather's ears grafted onto his head as a kind of tribute. Furthermore, most likely in defiance of Buckingham Palace, he has his forehead operated on so he resembles a Klingon - either that or environmental conditions have changed so much that it becomes common to have severely sun-damaged skin on the upper half of your face, while the lower half remains pristine. One thing he has certainly not had done is his tongue, which lulls rather unfortunately at the edge of his lips. It gives the future King something of the look of a spastic, but this is not unprecedented in the history of the royal family.

Age 60

Perhaps the most hideous photo of all. The ravages of time are clear to see in the 60-year-old prince's face - which seems to have taken the form of a paper mask of Liam Neeson.