UnNews:Politician blames wrong person for murders
Wednesday, July 31, 2024
SOUTHPORT, UNITED KINGDOM
To diversify from our Americocentric reporting, we at UnNews travelled to Southport, a city in the United Kingdom, to cover the recent murders of three girls who were playing Taylor Swift music. However, we saw one man, a member of Parliament named Nigel Farage, ranting about how a Syrian migrant, who was a terrorist, caused the murders. The only problem was that it wasn't a Syrian migrant...Awkward.
Regardless, Nigel's rants provoked some EDL members to riot in the vigil mourning the murder of the kids. Nigel has prepared for this, enacting his Plan B a few hours after. Basically, he stated that the police are masking the fact that the evil Syrian migrants done it as the immigrants themselves control them. Well, he had to chop off the last part of that video due to his notes being spoiled as he was drinking tea but he is still assuring his followers that a migrant definitely done it.
Rather unsurprisingly, most British people have had contempt for Nigel's behaviour, with a Scottish officer stating there were "real world consequences" when public figures failed to "keep their mouth shut". Regardless, Nigel is expected to rant some more. In an interview with UnNews, Nigel revealed some things, many of which are about his sexuality and admirers. He said, "While Tommy is my go-to for nonsense reporting, my idol is really Donald Trump. Me and him are very good friends, and when his wives and prostitutes can't satisfy his libido, I suck his dick many, many times." He also mentioned that he orchestrated a conspiracy stating that Rowan Atkinson was dead. That isn't relevant here, I just wanted to tell you that.
Regardless, we now know that Farage's mouth is not only spitting out nonsense, but sucks it as well.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Alix Robertson "Nigel Farage accused of being 'Tommy Robinson in a suit' over Southport stabbings comments" Sky News, July 31, 2024
- Vikram Dodd, Ben Quinn, and Rowena Mason "Former counter-terror chief accuses Farage of inciting Southport violence" The Guardian, July 31, 2024
- Shomoni Sen "Is Rowan Atkinson aka Mr Bean bedridden? Here's the truth behind the viral image" WION, July 31, 2024