UnNews:Plan to explode the Sun gains momentum

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

22 March 2013

The huge storage facilities of the scientific community.

The evil plan of exploding the Sun (or sacred, depending on which you like more, religion or your life), hatched by Pope Leroy of Chicago, is about to break out of its shell. We were contacted by a worried Doctor Eminent early this morning with the news that the Naked Pope had apparently stolen a radio telescope from the storage room of the scientific community.

“ Our night watchman thought it was just a streaker - there are lots of those around the scientific community, and some of us even encourage streaking - or it could have been the testicle molester - where was I? Right. The watchman then heard the sound of breaking glass - but by then he was on the wrong side of our huge storage facilities and could no longer prevent what was happening. He only managed to catch a glimpse of a running figure receding towards the horizon with something that closely resembled a radio telescope in his arms. This does not bode well, I assure you! This does not bode well at all!! The watchman was customarily dead drunk during the night, but with a semi-lethal dose of scopolamine we made him remember the streaker had been wearing a high hat resembling that of the Pope. I don't know what the Naked Pope would be doing with a radio telescope - so I can only imagine he will be passing it on to that scoundrel, Pope Leroy, who will then probably use it to somehow destabilise the Sun... but how? Our studies have shown us, repeatedly, that the Sun would easily become unstable if certain kind of sound frequencies were aimed at it --- but we cannot yet connect all the threads! We would act if we could! WE NEED HELP!! ”

With that, Dr. Eminent ambled off, again, to marvel at the huge machine outside Geneva. UnNews is hesitant to speculate on this based on the meagre input of factual information. In other words, it is clearly a wait-and-see-and-do-nothing-meanwhile-because-we-are-too-lazy situation.