UnNews:Pigeon hunting banned in central London

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12 October 2006

A distraught BPG member

LONDON, England -- Pigeons? Surely you must consider them vermin? But the government do not. Bony Tlair and his family, Boney M, have passed a law against the killing or licking of pigeons. This has endangered the livelihoods of pigeon lickers, game hunters and psychopaths everywhere.

A Trafalgar Square regular Richard Nias, who is a member of the Black Pigeon Gang (BPG), commented on the distress this has caused in the community. "Pigeon lickers rely on people paying us to lick dirty mangy creatures such as inner city foxes and pigeons. Foxes are bloody hard to catch and now that pigeons are protected there is very little work coming in. The gang is divided now with the sparrow licking vote coming up. I just don't know where to go from here!"

Trafalgar Square is no longer the place of joy it once was with a definite lack of soggy or dead pigeons in the vicinity. Policemen have been asked to arrest anyone caught within a square metre of a pigeon and the population are becoming wary of pigeons who try to fly near them. Faced with civil unrest, Tlair issued a statement a few hours ago asking people to hunt Golden Eagles instead. Whether this is just another bid to cement England's control over Wales and Scotland, no one can be sure.

Either way, Richard Nias and the BPG have tough times ahead.

Sources

• Malcolm Scimitar "To slaughter, or to lick; that is the question" The London Weekly Git, October 12, 2006