UnNews:Osama bin Laden loses world hide-and-seek championship title

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

2 May 2011

Bin Laden has lost the most exciting game of Hide and Seek, and with it, the Championship.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The United States president announced in what has been the most globally watched TV event of the century, beating the Royal Wedding by an amazing 9 Billion viewers, that the longest reigning champion of Hide and Seek, Osama Bin Laden today lost his title after a small group of America's best players collaborated together. The announcement was welcomed by many who feared that the Pakistanis would initiate attacks against the global community for giving up in the game, Crowds of thousands have gathered outside various important locations in the United States, every one of them eager to become the next champion.

Osama was awarded the prestige title after successfully locating and destroying the former champion’s location in 2001. The president stated that they were very careful to obey all of the guidelines set out by the official association of hide and seeks, GHASA, when infiltrating Osama's hideout. The defeated champion was reported to have died on-scene upon being discovered by immense shock. The trophy and championship belt were pried away from a deceased Osama's hands. It has been called a great tragedy, one that will remain on our tv sets for many weeks to come.

GHASA (Global Hide and Seek Association) have criticized the former champion for his give-away appearances. The Pakistani association of Hide and Seek issued a statement in response saying that "Osama's recognisable beard only made things more difficult for the man. It should be a welcomed factor in that his beard only made things more difficult. He lasted a whole 9 years without being found in a children's book by some bored 13 year old!". His beard was not a factor that led to his location being found.

Rather, it was the suspicious activity of putting garbage out to be collected, as opposed to burning it, which is the normal method of doing so in Afghanistan. It was also reported that the location had phone and internet connection, which is normally not present in Afghanistan households. When commenting about the nature of the mission, the Hide and Seek squad said that it was "just like a time bomb, waiting to go off." The mission was executed perfectly without a single US player being found.

The Pakistani government remains in secrecy about the next competitor for the country, however the international club 'Al Qaeda' have confirmed that they are in negations with the government as to opening new facilities to train eager competitors on the global scale. However with the discovery of Osama, fans of the sport remain speculative if the nation will be as competitive as it has been in the past, Blaming that Osama's son, who was expected to follow in his father’s hidden footsteps was also killed. Other nations remain confident in the various clubs.

It is expected that the conflict between the tri-nation forces and the Al-Qaeda organisation will become less severe, now that the issue of cheating during GHASA matches has been resolved.

Sources

• Bob Drogin "Osama Bin Laden; No Longer H/S champion" LA Times, 2 05 2011