UnNews:Obama to ban guns on Tuesdays

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Sunday, January 3, 2016

How January would look for gun-stroking maniacs.

President Barack Obama has announced that all firearms will be made illegal in the US - on the second day of the week.

"We know that we can't stop every act of violence," the president said. "But what if we tried to stop even one in seven? What if Congress did something - anything - to protect our kids from gun violence on Tuesdays?"

The president, pointing to a multi-colored calendar, added: "Did you know that banning guns on Tuesdays would cut gun deaths by a seventh according to our statisticians?

"And school massacres by a fifth. It has to be worth a try."

Obama's responses to gun deaths have been increasingly emotional in recent years, but his past attempts to introduce some form of gun control have failed - and the Tuesday bill faces opposition.

Republican senator Howard Milligan said, "My right to bear arms is in the constitution. It doesn't say I can bear them 5 days a week, or 6 days a week. It's a 24/7 deal.

"If an Injun, a Limey, or a nigger wants to rape and kill my family on a goddamn Tuesday, what does this so-called Commander in Chief want me to do?"

Social media quickly filled with conflicting views, with detractors noting that the Sandy Hook massacre took place on a Friday, while Obama supporters pointed out that the Tuesday bill would have prevented 13 deaths at Columbine.

Obama will also have the issue of killer police to deal with. The Guardian newspaper recently published that US cops were responsible for 1,134 civilian deaths in 2015, but Obama was quick to respond: "That boils down to just three a week, that means less than 0.5 deaths every Tuesday,

"And bear in mind a lot of deaths in police custody come from vicious beatings rather that gunshot wounds."

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