UnNews:North Korea uses starvation to power centrifuges; nuke expected in 45 minutes
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
20 April 2013
The Most Democratic & Free Republic of Powerful Koreans has announced that it will recommence its nuclear weapons program with an improved power system. Rather than relying on the country's sporadic supply of hydroelectric and coal power, the country is now tapping its abundance of starvation as a source of fuel. This development has concerned some intelligence analysts across the world, who speculate that North Korea will now be able to complete a nuclear weapon in the next 45 minutes. Others remain unnerved as the nuke ratio will still be 45,000 to 1.
The precious starvation, which naturally grows throughout the North Korean countryside, will be used to power the country's expensive centrifuges. These centrifuges are basically spinning wheels which make yellow cake, a type of baked good that can be loaded into a missile but is also enjoyed by Kim Jong-Un as a light evening snack.
All of this comes one week after everyone stopped caring about North Korea again due to the bombing in Boston and the release of Psy's new song, which was actually South Korea's response to the recent stream of propaganda created by North Korea.
The North's beloved leader vowed on North Korean television to make the U.S. pay attention to them again. Obama administration spokesman Jay Carney told UnNews reporters that the administration has already blocked North Korea on Facebook and reported their account as spam, so their remarks remain "idle threats."