UnNews:North Korea pokes South Korea with a really big stick

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

30 November 2006

Washington DC: U.N. observers today accused the North Korean regime of continually poking at South Korea with a really big stick, causing annoyance and irritation in Seoul, the capital of the south. North Koreans have apparently spent the last few days lashing together thousands of bamboo poles with string. In recent days, when no one was looking, they apparently have been creeping up to the DMZ and poking at the south with their big stick while hiding behind some bushes.

They're sort of just doin' it fer shits an' giggles, I guess, said major col. Bucky Stratosphere of the U.S. peacekeeping force on the borderline. Sometimes we hear a kinda rustlin' and we see this big stick stretchin' all the way to the mountains. We just holler at 'em and they drag it back to their side. Some of the guys are all for goin' after 'em with the humbies, but I reckon' that might cause some kinda diplomatic inceedent, so we stick to hollerin for now

In Seoul, business communities have voiced their protest at being woken up by a prodding at 5am, or when they're on the phone or just sitting down to their dinner. It's really annoying, says one South Korean, I can't focus. I can't play Scrabble. Every time I try and concentrate on something, this big bamboo pole taps me on the shoulder. They should bomb the North back into the stone age for this.

The North Korean leader, Kimberly Ill Stump the Magnificent and Everlasting - Just Like Our Batteries - , says that North Koreans should (warning: Possible sexual innuendo) be proud of their stick, as it is a heroic stick and it glimmers with hope in the last rays of the evening sun, and that South Koreans should only be poked in accordance with the Socialist Lifestyle. He encourages more poking between sessions at the chalk mines for a healthy mind and body.