UnNews:Nipple parade cancelled - Kerr doesn't get letter

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

24 May 2013

That's right fellas, it's that time of the month again. The month for the Nipple parade! However, May's parade hit a block right from the start when a number of celebrites, such as Jessica Alba, Beyonce and Bradley Cooper, felt that their nipples did not need to be on show. Progressively more and more famous nipples were stepping aside. So many celebrites pulled out that the parade was cancelled, and men had to go back to watching porn.

However, breasted Miranda Kerr did not know that it had been cancelled and was flaunting her boobs all day. Many feminists have described it as "disgusting" and "quite perky" but are still against women whoring for 24 hours. We tried to talk to Kerr's father, John, but he was busy looking at pictures on the internet and sort of drooling. Instead we sat with Kerr's mother. "It must have been a really massive suprise because of her recent boob job," said Therese Kerr, looking down at her own breasts. "It was so cute, when Miranda was little, she used to go to the beach, and she would always go naked," she went on, before showing us a photo. "Look, there she is surrounded by all her friends for her birthday. I think it was her fourteenth."

We tried to get in touch with Miranda Kerr, but because the nipple parade was over she wouldn't give us the full tour, however she did state that "I am an adult who will calmly deal with this situation in a very professional manner. It was not a big deal." As we followed her backstage we did manage to see her snorting cocaine and angrily grinding a mannequin.