UnNews:New U.N. secretary-general sworn in, condemns U.S.

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14 December 2006

Ban Ki-moon sworn in as secretary-general of the U.N.

UNITED NATIONS - South Korea's Ban Ki-moon was sworn in Thursday as the eighth secretary-general of the United Nations, and wasted no time by immediately condemning the U.S. for being a bunch of rich, wasteful, war-mongering pricks.

Ban, 62, will take the reins of the United Nations on Jan. 1 when Kofi Annan sneaks out of town after 10 years at the helm. He will be the first Asian to lead the organization in 35 years, since up until now everybody considered them "way too sneaky."

Ban will oversee a $5 billion annually budgeted organization with some 92,000 peacekeepers around the world, not counting Oompa-Loompas. Its reputation has been battered by scandals in the oil-for-food program in Iraq and in peacekeeping procurement.

General Assembly President and head towel-head Sheikha Haya Rashed Al Khalifa administered the oath of office to the career diplomat who never had to do a real day's work in all his life. Ban swore to conduct himself solely in the interests of the United Nations and to criticize the U.S. at every opportunity, while secretly receiving loads of American cash under the table for sweet peacekeeping procurement deals.

In a brief address, Ban told delegates from the 192 U.N. member states that he was "glad to come," and that he'd be "sad to leave," but while he was there, he'd have him a real good time.