UnNews:Natural cancer cure to be tested

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

24 October 2009

High fiber colonic; so easy a child can do it.

KENMORE, Washington -- Researchers at Bastyr University college of Naturopathic Medicine claim promising results with a natural cancer therapy called high fiber colonics. The therapy is highly controversial, and involves a source of fiber, in this case a tree branch, administered rectally.

"What we do is have the client lie naked on their belly, and shove a tree branch up their ass," said Dr. Fletcher Pariah ND, lead researcher and inventor of the cure. He went on to explain, "The theory is that the vitalist energones of the cancer get distracted by the pain signals coming from the colon, and reshift their alignment along a more neutral path of Chi flow. We also do demonstrations of the technique for members of our "Laughter Therapy" groups. In combination with "Kind Bud Therapy", this is very effective in treating depression and hiccoughs. "

Opposing Views

Says Dr. Festus Ogliocene of the American Medical Association, "Basically, they're putting a stick up a patients ass and calling it therapy. It's outrageous."

The American Chriropractic Association has released a statement condemning High Fiber Colonics, saying "there is a distinct danger that shoving a stick up your ass can cause vertebral subluxations. Of course, we chiropractors are the only ones who can fix those. Never mind, carry on."

Sources

• Pablito Jarlsberg "Natural medicine says "Up Yours!" to cancer" US News & World Report, October 23, 2009