UnNews:Muslims demand pop star Gwen Stefani to "tone down" act

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

3 August 2007

Avert your eyes!

FATAH-VILLE, Malaysia -- "SEXILICIOUS" US POP STAR Gwen Stefani has agreed to wear a burkah, use minimal dance and not sing at all at a concert in Malaysia later this month. She has agreed to show the decorum and respect becoming of a woman in a Muslim country. Protests from Islamic students about her sexy clothes and whorish act have prompted the singer's decision to tone down the "bootilicious sexiness" of her show.

As a consequence the concert is set to last just three minutes.

The National Union of Malaysian Muslim Students wanted her gig to be cancelled because of her "flagrant and indecent display of pert breasts, long lucious legs, tight arse and full ruby red lips.".

One angry student, Mucki Abooti, expressed his disgust at the upcoming show, "Ms Stefani and her skimpy outfits that barely cover those wonderous breasts and pert bottom is an afront to my religion and culture. Don't even get me started on those lovely long, smooth Amazonian legs that could oh so easily be wrapped round my torso as I thrust and thrust and THRUST AND THRUST! oooh yeah, she like it to the HILT!"

The show's organisers said in a statement that the singing star would ensure that her concert would not be "offensive" to locals and assured that "a burkah will be worn throughout the show, her dancing will be restricted to wrist actions only and she will only give the vaguest suggestion of singing without actually singing."

The concerns come after a Pussycat Dolls (a group of transsexual singers) concert flouted decency regulations last year. Muslim men were horrified to be aroused at, "she-males gyrating like evil harpies on stage, turning us all into gays and sodomites!"

More than 154 men were arrested and stoned for flagrant, wanton public same sex buggery after the concert. The authorities are hopeful such nonsense can be avoided this time round.

Sources

• STONE THE WHORE "stone her" (nice arse though), July 19, 2007