UnNews:Missouri cop pardoned at Thanksgiving

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Thursday, November 27, 2014

Michael Brown's father had some more negative things to say about Thanksgiving.

The people of Ferguson, Missouri have stopped protesting after unanimously deciding to pardon Darren Wilson, the police officer who shot dead teenager Michael Brown, to mark the festival of Thanksgiving.

Protestors replaced banners reading "Hands up don't shoot" with the more comical and festive "Quit jiving me turkey."

Twenty-four year-old Denzel Matthews told UnNews, "Hey, I was rioting like everyone else. I think it was right to show everyone we was mad, but now, hell, I just want my turkey and my pumpkin pie!"

Casandra Jackson, originally from Louisiana, agreed, "Thanksgiving is not about whites, or blacks, it's about greens."

The reaction in Ferguson on Tuesday to the grand jury's decision not to charge Wilson had looked in danger of spilling out of control. However, Wednesday morning signaled the dawn of a concerted effort to pardon Wilson publicly, and the ceremony eventually took place at the large pile of burning ash which used to be a Little Caesar's.

Wilson was visibly moved by the reception he got from the crowd, who sang Oh Happy Day as he took to the stage. Initially nervous, he grew in confidence during his speech, even managing to quip: "I love black people, and I love Black Friday - where the only people making a killing will be our retailers!"

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