UnNews:McCain convenes the Dark Conclave in order to create a running-mate.

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

7 May 2008

The News

Republican presidential candidate John McCain has called together The Republican Branch of the Grand Necromancy Society , the High Council of the Warlock Right, and the Conservative Coven of Demonsummoners. Although no word has been officially given it is suspected that McCain is attempting to create a running-mate who is even more evil and cold-hearted than the current vice-president, Dick Cheney.

The Problem:

Dick Cheney after killing a kitten

Dick Cheney was created with the most advanced Biomechanical technology, which is classified until 10 years after the end of eternity. However, he power source he was created with used all of the Evilonium in known existence, but was only enough to last for 8 years. This eliminates several options for McCain: such as reusing the Robot, but with a paper bag over its head to hide the identity or creating another evil robot vice-president. These setbacks led to McCain’s conclusion that Black magic was the only path available to the Republican Party’s problem of an evil second-in-command.

The dark iftirt of the sixth hell

The Solution:

An UnNews reporter has managed to infiltrate the Dark Conclave, which is meeting in an unspecified convention hall in Wyoming (you know the one). He has given us several report including the plan for the convocation. The plan includes reanimating Ted Bundy’s corpse and summoning the dark ifrit of the sixth hell to inhabit it. Members of the Dark Conclave are less than impressed, “We are less than impressed,” says one “this is the kind of thing we might do for a Lieutenant governor, but it really doesn’t cover the depravity needed by the nation’s second in command.” Athough having been considered at first, sacrificing a soul in order to gain the favor of Putin, the Dark God, was taken off the agenda, as there currently is no one in the republican party currently in possession of a soul.

As more information becomes available to us we will be the first to make it available to you, and remember the terrorists want to kill you.