UnNews:Manchester United lose 2013 title
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26 February 2014
Manchester United's nightmare season under new manager David Moyes took a dramatic turn for the worst today, as they began to lose games played in the past.
The club has endured a torrid time since the resignation of the legendary Alex Ferguson, falling 15 points behind league leaders Chelsea and succumbing to a dreadful 2-0 defeat to Olympiakos last night.
However, if United fans had thought that was the club's nadir, they were in for a rude awakening this morning. News channels began reporting an unprecedented phenomenon, in which games United had won the previous season somehow turned into defeats.
"It's bizarre," says Matthew Cheeseman, president of the Manchester United Supporters Association. "I thought we beat Swansea in May last year... but now when I look the game up online, it seems the record books have automatically changed themselves.
"We lost it 2-0, and my memory now is that everyone looked really listless."
By 11am, United had lost so many of last year's games that they surrendered their league title to Manchester City. The changes seem to have slowed, with some games simply becoming draws, but physics professors have said they are not sure whether the retroactive defeat wave has completely stopped, or whether the 2012-2013 season is also likely to be affected.
A poor showing for two past years in a row might mean that star signing Robin van Persie never signs for the club 18 months ago.
A confused Moyes, having just sat in on a lecture about elementary quantum physics, told MUTV, "There's nothing we can do about it now. If the past is changing - if a kind of time-space continuum wave is sweeping across the history - that's out of our hands. All we can do is concentrate on the next game and try to get three points."
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Leverage, "Manchester United: Olympiakos defeat 'a new low this season'" BBC, February 26, 2014