UnNews:Malik Obama loses election amid passport row

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

12 March 2013

Malik allegedly tried to hide his Hawaiian heritage by blacking up.

Siaya, KENYA -- Malik Obama, the half brother of US President Barack Obama has failed to win a parliamentary seat in Kenya, after it was revealed that his Kenyan birth certificate was false.

Obama had been favourite to win the seat in Siaya, but his candidacy was removed at the last minute after local business magnate Don'al Atrumpa revealed he had learned Obama was actually born in Honolulu, Hawaii.

Atrumpa had used some of his $100,000 fortune to check on Obama's family history, and during the election he cheekily offered $50 (the average annual wage in Kenya) for Obama to reveal his college transcripts and passport application. Obama kept what his supporters had called "a dignified silence" but dramatically, on the eve of the election, Atrumpa's allegations were confirmed and Obama withdrew his candidacy without making a statement.

The stage was left for Atrumpa to tell a stunned crowd: "This man was not a real Kenyan. He was born in a savage country whose founding fathers raped and enslaved our mothers and fathers. A country which knows nothing of our values and beliefs. A country where the men wear loud, colourful shirts and the women wear grass skirts, and everybody wears flowers around their necks."

President Barack Obama was not available for a comment, but a White House insider told UnNews: "He can't believe it. As far as he knew Malik was born in Kenya in 1958, and simply came to stay with the other Obamas in Hawaii as a youngster. I don't know what he will do with this news, but I guess there's a chance he could make Malik Defense Secretary."

Sources

• Leverage, "Barack Obama's half-brother fails to win seat in Kenyan elections" Guardian, March 11, 2013

Quasi-Featured Article (2 April 2013) 

This article was nominated to become a featured article; however, due to several votes being devoured by a double entendre, it didn't make the cut (4/8). Don't let this happen again! For just pennies a day, you can prevent another travesty of this nature, or vote for other articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.