UnNews:London tailor is excited to be first in knocking up royal gown

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

29 April 2011

The Duchess of Cambridge upon hearing the news that a London shopkeepper had knocked up dress.

LONDON, Great Britain -- London tailor Hussein Malamad has been doing a great business in creating copies of the dresses worn by Kate Middleton prior to her wedding. But now that the ceremony is history, Malamad - who has described his love for the country's newest royal family member has taken that excitement one step further.

"I am going to be the first man in theese country to knock up that dress," he said smiling while surrounded by his wife and children.

The Malamad's are recent to London, having move her from the West Bank in Palestine, and Mr. Malamad has built a solid trade in "the lady who need a man to take off their dress and make them feel it - I make them feel special. That is what I do! I specialize in knocking up what they bring to me. I make beautiful the knock up."

Mrs. Malamad, who too is a seamstress, finds her husband's enthusiasm has helped their business.

"He very much in love with that Middleton woman. Many of our clients say that they find my husband infectious and that they appreciate the long and hard hours that we work."

While Mrs. Malamad took the children and set off for their shop today, her husband stayed home to watch the royal wedding. "If I am going to knock up these dress than I have to take matters into my hands and work at it very hard. I must study every detail of this Middleton womans, including her shape, her curves and yes, her bosom," said Mr. Malamad.

With his tool in hand, Malamad worked himself into a fever pitch, paying special attention to every detail, every camera angle and every nuance of the lace that framed the Duchess of Cambridge's wedding gown.

"Periodically I had to grease my instrument, but when I was done with my study, I was exhausted. Now I will recreate the dress so everyone know that I knock it up before she have a chance to take it off."

Indeed, by 3PM GMT, Mr. Malamad's store window featured the completed dress. While the family can not afford a true mannequin, Mr. Malamad's brother in law Penous Patil provided him with "a blow up sax doll", but without the 'sax' top model the creation.

"See," said the excited shop keeper, "Her face shows how shocked she to wear the dress I knock up!"

Sources

• United Pressed International "Wal-Mart First to sell Kate's wedding dress" Omaha Sun Picyuan, April 29, 2011